Chapter 5
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Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Same goes for any characters from Angel
that should appear. Any other characters are mine and may be used for other
fanfic (Just note that they’re mine if you use them.)
Content rating note: This fic is rated PG-13.
Continuity note: This story takes place after Chapt. 4. The whole story takes place after the Buffy
episode “Showtime” and diverges into AU from there. It’s also a rewrite of
post-Showtime season 7 and the prequel to Summer
Vacation. Some of the things that happened in post-Showtime season 7 may
happen to some extent (and with liberties taken), and others…not so much. I
used www.buffyworld.com as my resource
for any dialog and such that I kept from the episodes.
Although ‘Underwood’ is the last name that was given
for Cecily in LMPTM, I’m sticking with Adams as was given in the Fool For Love
script. Technically, Underwood is probably canon. But to me Cecily will always
be an Adams.
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1
“Ahhhg!” Buffy yelled, slamming the front door behind her. She was disheveled and her brand new sweater was stained with gore. A living room full of Potentials turned their heads her way.
“Are we under attack?” Kennedy asked, standing up.
“No, just a very bad day at the office,” Buffy said. She dropped her purse to the floor and headed upstairs. She made her way to the bathroom to clean up, but it appeared to already be occupied. She knocked on the door.
“Occupado!” Andrew called out.
Buffy grumbled and changed course. But before she could make it to her bedroom, Giles popped out of Willow’s bedroom. “Ah, Buffy, good news…Good Lord, what happened to you?” Giles asked.
“The Hellmouth has gone into overdrive causing mass supernatural badness at the school. Kids are turning invisible, being possessed, vomiting up blood in a Linda Blair fashion…Just look what’s happened to my new sweater! They all seemed to recover once they were taken off school grounds, but it’s been a living hell! Wood had to close the school down for tomorrow, just to get the mess cleaned up.” Buffy sighed. “You said you have good news?”
“The Prokaryote stone arrived today!” Giles said.
Buffy gave him a puzzled look.
“For the spell Willow and I have been working on. To de-trigger Spike…”said Giles, giving her an exasperated expression.
“Oh! Right, sorry. Spike hasn’t been triggered in so long, I totally forgot,” Buffy said.
Giles sighed. “Which is probably exactly what The First was hoping for - To lull you into a false sense of security. And I can’t help but remind you that your feelings for Spike are blinding you to-”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let’s just de-trigger Spike and then it’ll be moot,” Buffy said, rolling her eyes at Giles.
“But it won’t be. Your feelings will continue to effect all future decisions regarding Spike.”
“Fine. Whatever. I’m going to go change. You and Willow meet me at the basement door,” Buffy said, and then went into her room and shut the door.
Giles frowned and did as she asked.
2
Spike was in the basement, chained to the cot, and reading a book. The washing machine chugged in the background. Dawn stood in front of it, folding laundry. She turned her head at the sound of Buffy, Giles and Willow coming down the stairs. Spike looked up from his book and shut it.
Buffy sat down on the cot, next to Spike, and put her hand on his shoulder. “Spike, I have good news. We’ve come to de-trigger you.”
“Oh, really?” Spike asked. “What're you gonna do? Some hypno-beam? A disarming spell?” he asked, looking to Giles and Willow.
“Not exactly,” Giles said. “The First has brainwashed you. There's something in your subconscious that it's using to provoke a violent reaction.” Giles took a small box out of his pocket and then took a small, polished, dark brown stone out of the box. “So…we have to put this in your brain.”
Spike’s eyes widened. “Wh-? Bugger that!” he exclaimed.
Buffy gave him a sympathetic look.
Giles continued, “The Prokaryote stone will move within your mind to reveal the root of the trigger's power. It can unleash ideas, images, memories... Hopefully, once you understand what it is that's...setting you off…you can break its hold over you.”
“So it might not work?” Dawn asked, coming up from behind, with her arms folded across her chest.
“The stone’s just a catalyst for the process. The rest is up to Spike,” Giles replied.
“And just how do you expect to get that hunk of rubble into my cranium?” Spike asked.
“That’s where I come in,” Willow said, walking up and carrying a large book. “Okay, here we go.” Willow recited the incantation and then the stone began to move, like a liquid worm.
Giles held the box with the now squirming stone in it up to Spike.
“Oh, you have got to be joking!” Spike said, recoiling away from it. “What now?”
“It has to access the cerebral cortex via the optic nerve,” said Giles.
“Oh, bollocks~” Spike said, almost letting a stutter creep into his voice. “This just keeps getting better, doesn’t it? With all the rubbish people keep sticking in my head, it’s a wonder that there’s room for my brain.”
“I don’t think it takes up much space, do you?” Giles retorted, rolling his eyes.
Spike chuffed, looked down at the squirming stone again, and then gave Buffy a sour look.
“Want me to hold your hand?” Buffy asked.
“Does it have to be this way, Buffy? I mean – I’d rather have a bloody prostate exam than this!” exclaimed Spike. “Red, any last minute alternatives?” Spike asked, looking at the witch hopefully.
“Sorry,” Willow said, clutching her book against her chest.
Spike gave Buffy his hand to hold. “Balls. Balls, balls, balls, balls,” he muttered.
Giles held the box up to his face and the liquid stone slithered out and onto Spike’s cheek. It felt cold, like liquid mercury. Spike looked up and tried not to think about it. He felt himself start to breath in dumb nervous response as it shimmied up to his eye, crawling over it and under his eyelid. He squirmed and felt a sick, cold chill go through him. And then there was pain, like a headache from hell. Spike put his hand to his forehead and cried out, “Ow! Oh!! Ow!!”
“Spike, are you all right?” Buffy asked.
“All things considered,” Spike replied. “How am I supposed to know if this bug-ugly’s doing its job-” Spike trailed off as his view was filled with an orange light.
Spike saw himself. His human self circa 1880, with his floppy golden brown curls fussily arranged, his spectacles perched upon his nose, and his light-tan tweed suit. William the Bloody Awful Poet was reading his bloody awful poetry in the sitting room of his house to dear old Mum. She sat there, doing her needlepoint and listening happily to his poetry, as only a mother could. She wore her favorite navy blue dress and her faded blonde hair was up as usual. Surrounding them was their lovely sitting room, with many pictures and knick-knacks and a nice warm fire.
“Yet her smell, it doth linger, painting pictures in my mind.
Her eyes, balls of honey. Angel’s harps, her laugh.
Oh, lark. Grant a sign if crook’d be Cupid’s shaft.
Hark, the lark, her name it hath spake.
‘Cecily’ it discharges from twixt its wee beak.”
“Oh, William…” his mother cooed, giving him a proud look.
“It’s just scribbling,” William replied, looking down and waving his poetry about dismissively.
“Nonsense! It’s magnificent~,” said Mum. “I wonder, though…This Cecily of whom you write so often…”
“Oh,” William said, turning head to the side and looking away.
“Would that be the Addams’ eldest girl?” she asked.
“Uh, no…no. I do not presume,” he said looking down.
“She’s lovely. You shouldn’t be alone. You need a woman in your life,” Mum said.
“I have a woman in my life,” he said looking at her smartly and with a boyish grin.
“But you ne-” Mother began, and then giggled, realizing he was teasing and meant her. “Oh...” she giggled again.
William smiled, pleased to have amused her. “Well, do not mistake me, Mother,” he said, taking off his spectacles for a moment (He had slept in them last night, face down, against his desk, atop his poetry, and made the bridge of his nose quite sore). “I still have hopes that one day there will be an addition to this household. But I will always look after you, Mother. This I promise.”
Mum gave him a warm look, and then quickly dissolved into a coughing fit. A bad one. She covered her mouth with a handkerchief and William poured her a glass of water from the fine china pitcher on a nearby end table. As he handed her the glass of water, he noticed that there was now blood on her handkerchief.
“Should I send the coach for Dr. Gull?” William asked in a low, soft voice.
Mum shook her head and said, slightly hoarse, “I’ll be all right. It’s passed. Just sit with me awhile, will you?”
“Of course,” said William.
William sat on the floor at his mother’s feet, and rested his arm on her knee. As he settled in, she kissed the top of his head and then went back to her needlepoint. She began to sing.
“Early one morning~ just as the sun was shining~ I heard a maid sing in the valley below~ ‘Oh, don’t deceive me~ Oh, never leave me~ How could you use a poor maiden so?’~”
William closed his eyes and listened to his mother sing, wishing he could make her well again.
As Spike had closed his eyes in the present, he now opened them. As he did, they turned yellow as he morphed into vamp face. He snarled and grabbed Buffy’s neck, throwing her across the room and into the washer and dryer. Then he flung himself towards the others, growling and struggling against the chains in blind fury. Before the others could take another step back, Spike turned, picked up the cot, and flung it at them. The cot struck Dawn and she went down.
“Dawn!”
Buffy picked herself up and took a step towards Spike. The vampire suddenly cried out in pain, and pressed both hands against his forehead. He continued to cry out as he staggered. Buffy could see the stone move underneath his forehead towards his eye. It slithered out and down his cheek and then fell to the floor with a clack, solid once more.
Spike looked
around the room, back in human face and looking dazed and pained. Giles and
Buffy stared at him, trying to ascertain if the episode was over, while
Spike hoped that he would receive no more visions. He knew where they were leading and didn’t care to relive it. It wasn’t too hard to figure out what was triggering him now. Maybe they won’t come, Spike thought. Maybe already knowing what it’s all about is enough and no more will come.
“This stone of yours is- is out, right? Did its job so I’m de-triggered, right?” Spike asked.
“Yes, the stone is out. But we don’t know whether it’s done its job yet or not,” said Giles. “Spike, what do you remember about the song?”
Spike looked away. “Yeah, the song. It’s called, uh, ‘Early One Morning.’ Old folk ditty.”
“What does it mean to you?” Giles asked.
“Mean? Nothing. It’s just, uh, my mum…it was her favorite. She used to sing it to me…when I was a baby.” He couldn’t tell them that she continued to sing it to him as an adult. He would never hear the end of it.
“And?” Giles continued.
“No ‘and.’ That’s it,” Spike snapped. “Look, shouldn’t you check on Dawnie? I clocked the Niblet pretty fierce~.”
“She’s already
starting to come to. I think she’ll be okay,”
“Ow,” Dawn said, sitting up.
“Spike, listen to me. What is it about your mother?” Giles asked, stepping forward.
Just leave it alone! thought Spike. “I don’t know. I got along fine with her. She was a nice lady,” he said through clenched teeth.
“Well there has to be more to it than that,” Giles said.
“Well there bloody well isn’t!” Spike screamed.
“Okay, that’s enough,” Buffy said, walking towards Spike and pulling the keys to his shackles out of her jeans pocket.
“Buffy, this process takes time. He’s not cooperating. He’s blocking whatever’s flooding his subconscious,” Giles said.
“Or maybe your prophylactic stone didn’t work,” Buffy said. She unchained Spike.
“Prokaryote,” Giles muttered, shaking his head.
“Thank you,” Spike said to Buffy as he reached for her hand. But Drusilla’s hand, clad in black lace, slipped into his hand instead.
Drusilla and newly vamped William began dancing in William’s sitting room. They danced a courtly ballroom dance to imagined music. “Ooh, such a pretty house you have, Sweet Willie,” Drusilla said. “It smells of daffodils…and viscera.”
“Don’t get too attached, now,” said William as he twirled her. “We won’t be here for long, luv.”
Drusilla twirled away and sat on a couch. “Well then…” she said, patting the seat beside her. “Should we give it a proper goodbye?” she asked, adding a seductive growl as punctuation.
“You’re a saucy one, aren’t you?” William said, walking towards her. He sat himself down beside her and grabbed her up in a kiss. All inhibitions gone with his soul, he kissed her wantonly and then flung her across his lap. He stopped kissing her for a moment to giggle and then he began kissing her again. Dru met his kisses enthusiastically. Finally, William broke off the kissing and said, “Dru…we’ll bring this world to its knees.”
Drusilla stroked his hair. “It’s ripe and ready, my darling. Waiting for us to devour its fruit.”
“We’ll ravage the city together, my pet. Lay waste to all of Europe. The three of us will teach those snobs and elitists with their falderal just what-”
“Three?” Dru asked.
“You, me, and mother,” said William.
Drusilla looked away confused.
“We’ll open up their veins and bathe in their blood as they scream our names across-” William broke off his speech, noticing Dru’s unenthusiastic look. “What?”
“You…you want to bring your mum wif us?” Dru asked, giving him a sour look.
“Well, yeah. You’ll like her,” William said, with childlike enthusiasm.
“Heh! To eat, you mean?”
Before William could answer, his mother came in wearing her dressing gown, robe and crocheted nightcap. “William?”
William grabbed Drusilla’s hand and pulled her up. “Uh, mother,” he said, surprised that she had come all the way down from her bedroom.
“Where have you been? I’ve been beside myself for days!” Mother exclaimed.
“You needn’t have worried, Mother. You’ll never have to worry about anything again,” William said, letting go of Dru’s hand and walking towards his mum a few steps. “Something has happened. I’ve changed.”
“I- I don’t- Who’s this woman??”
“I’m the other that gave birth to your son,” Dru replied, rubbing her belly and shimmying around.
“I beg your pardon?!”
“It’s true, Mother,” William added. He held his hand out for Dru to take and led her forward towards his mum. “Drusilla- she…she made me what I am. I am no longer bound to this mortal coil. I have become a creature of the night. A vampire.”
“Are you drunk?” Mother asked, with a scrutinizing look.
William paused and looked down briefly. “A little bit.” His mother began to cough and he resumed walking forward, letting go of Dru’s hand once more. “Think of it. No more sickness. No more dying. You’ll never age another day. Let me do this for you.”
“What are you talking about?? A- And why are you acting so strangely??”
“It’s all right, Mother. It’s only me,” he said, now upon her. He hugged her tenderly. “We’ll be together forever.”
“William…” said Mother, at a loss.
William morphed into vamp face. “Don’t worry. It only hurts for a moment,” he said, before biting into her.
Spike blinked his eyes and looked around. Buffy’s hand was in his and he was standing. “We’ll, I didn’t trigger this time, so that’s something,” Spike said.
“You had another vision? What did you see?” Giles asked.
“Nothing…nothing,” Spike said, softly.
3
Buffy dabbed ointment on Dawn’s head wound. Dawn lay in her bed, propped up by pillows. Willow sat at the foot of the bed, putting bandages back inside the first aid kit. Xander sat next to the bed thinking about the Spike situation.
“Do I really need to be in bed?” Dawn asked. “It doesn’t hurt that bad.”
“Better safe than sorry,” Buffy said.
“You sound like Mom,” said Dawn.
“Gah! No! I’m too young to turn into my mother!” Buffy said, looking up and raising her arms dramatically.
Dawn smiled. Then, Spike popped his head in the room and her smile faded.
“Just came up to see how the Niblet’s doing. Sorry ‘bout your head, pet,” Spike said, now half in and half out of the room.
“It’s fine,” Dawn said, looking away from him.
Buffy noticed the sad look on Spike’s face as he nodded and left the room and a felt a sharp pang of guilt. Spike and Dawn had once been so close. She used to hate that. It worried her. But now things were different and she’d been noticing lately how the break between Spike and Dawn hurt them both. There was a loss there. She wondered if the relationship could be repaired if Dawn knew the truth about her and Spike. Buffy was almost positive that Dawn didn’t know anything about how she had mistreated Spike and that Dawn likely thought Spike had attacked her out of petty spite and with intent. Guilt stabbed at her again.
Buffy clasped her hands together and stared at the doorway, starting to well up. A part of her wanted to slam a gate down on her feelings. And another part wanted to purge and be free. Be free of her secrets. Buffy got up and closed the door and stood there, hand on the doorknob.
“Buffy, what’s wrong?” Xander asked. “You’re acting kind of strange.”
Buffy turned around and looked at Willow, hand still on the doorknob. Willow could hear a message coming from her. I want to tell.
“Oh! Oh,” Willow said, fidgeting. Why Buffy wanted to talk about this now, Willow didn’t know. I’m here for you, Willow sent, and patted a seat on the bed next to her.
“What’s the matter? You two are acting twitchy and weird,” Dawn said.
Willow gave Buffy her hand.
“I need to tell you something…you and Xander,” Buffy said. “I don’t think it’s fair that you know only half the truth and…and…I’m tired of keeping these secrets from you. It’s eating me up.”
Xander sat down on the bed next to Dawn and mentally braced for impact.
“When I was with Spike…”
“I don’t need to know!” Xander said, holding his hands up to signal STOP. “I assure you, whatever it is, I don’t need to know.”
“What is it, Buffy?” Dawn asked.
“I abused him,” Buffy said. Xander put his hands down and there was a moment of stunned silence. Buffy continued. “I beat him- and not just in a fighting way, or a sparring way, or an S&M way. In an assault-and-battery way. For instance…those bruises he had at my birthday party…they were from me. He tried to stop me from turning myself in to the police when I thought I accidentally killed Katrina. He didn’t even try and fight back. He just wanted to block my path.”
“Damn, I just thought he got in a fight with a huge demon,” Xander said, still in shock.
“He told me he fell off a tall building in a construction site and hit a bunch of stuff on the way down,” Dawn said, also in shock.
“And I used him,” Buffy said. “I knew he loved me and I knew I couldn’t love him back. I just took from him…because I knew he would be satisfied with the crumbs I gave him. I could be as mean and nasty as I wanted to be to him and he’d never break up with me. True, there were some things he got off on, but he didn’t get off on the emotional abuse or the extreme beating. And I don’t know that I was such a good example for ‘taking no for an answer.’ I’d say no and not mean it, just so that I could feel like I tried to resist. And most of the time I came to him anyway. And I didn’t respect his right to refuse me. I was a monster. When I realized that what I was doing was wrong, I dumped him.” Buffy swallowed.
Xander and Dawn continued to stare at her. They looked as if they had been hit on the back of the head.
Dawn struggled to digest all the new information. Her teeth clinched. “How- How could you~?! All this time, I thought you broke up with him because he did something bad. Like he kept doing illegal stuff or something. All this time you’ve been lying to us! Acting like you were some goody-goody attacked out of nowhere. How could you do those things to him!? He wanted to be good for you!” Dawn narrowed her eyes. “And now we know why he couldn’t.”
“Um, hellooo…Spike couldn’t be good no matter what. He didn’t even have a soul. Not that this isn’t all very disturbing, regardless,” Xander said.
“I don’t believe that,” Dawn said, with tears in her eyes. “I thought Spike could have been good without a soul if he tried. I thought he could have become good. He was working on it! Until Buffy came back and screwed him up.”
“He was already screwed up! He would have attacked Buffy the moment she said no and really meant it no matter how nice she had been to him! He was a soulless killer, Dawn!” Xander exclaimed.
“No! It was her fault!” Dawn said, pointing at Buffy.
Buffy sat frozen, tears running down her face.
“Dawnie, no~ You don’t mean that,” Willow said.
“Yes, I do!” Dawn said, throwing back the covers and swinging her feet out of bed. Xander grabbed her arm.
“Dawn, I’m surprised at you! What if it hadn’t just been an attempt? What if he’d really raped her?” Xander asked.
“Then I would have staked him the moment he walked in our house,” said Dawn, chin up. “And if I learned the truth later, then I’d still feel they same way as I do now. But worse.”
“You’re blaming the victim, here!” Xander shouted.
“Spike was a victim too,” Dawn said.
“That doesn’t make it right,” Willow said. “None of it was right. Neither Buffy or Spike can be excused for the things they’ve done to each other. They can only be forgiven, like they’ve forgiven each other. Besides, I’m the one that brought Buffy back when I shouldn’t have. Although, I’m glad she’s here.”
“I’m glad she’s here, too,” Xander said, releasing Dawn. “Aren’t you glad she’s here, Dawn.”
“Yes,” Dawn said grudgingly. She eyed Buffy. “So, did you and Spike make up, then? Is that why you’ve been all…friendly with each other?”
“Yes. But we’re not back together,” Buffy said, and then burst into tears.
Xander crawled across the bed and hugged her. “Buffy, Buffy, we love you no matter what you’ve done. Don’t we?” he asked.
“Yes, we do,” Willow said.
Dawn stood up.
“Dawn, tell Buffy you didn’t mean the things you said. That you know the attack wasn’t her fault. I know you don’t really mean that,” Xander said.
Dawn paused a moment. “It’s all of your faults,” she said, folding her arms. Then she sighed and sat on the bed, across from Buffy. “It’s not like I think you were asking for it, or deserved it. No one deserves that. I do love you, Buffy. I loved Spike too. He was like my best friend and older brother rolled into one. After I got over my crush, I wanted to see you two together so bad. I just wish…I just wish it hadn’t turned out the way it did. And it would have been nice to know the truth, instead of thinking Spike just attacked you out of spite for being dumped, or something.”
Buffy sniffled. “It wasn’t spite, it was insanity,” she said.
“So now Spike’s getting a temporary insanity plea?” Xander asked.
Buffy looked at him. “Don’t you think what I did to him was wrong? It damaged him, whether he knew it or not. And it was destroying me. It was wrong.”
“He was just a thing. Just a demon-animated undead body. Like you and Giles said, the soul is gone and the demon takes the shell, stealing the looks and personality of the human.”
“No,” Buffy said looking down. She was calm now, tears drying on her face. “I don’t believe that anymore. The soul may be gone, but the human essence is still there…with the demon. Maybe some vampires are just better at getting rid of the better parts of it than others. I think the Watchers just believe the whole shell thing because that makes it easier to kill them. And they have to be killed. Maybe more vampires could be redeemed, or maybe they couldn’t. I can’t take the chance of them killing people, so they have to be slain.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear you’re not going to take up a ‘Save the Vampires’ campaign, at least. They’ve got these demon drives. They’re dangerous,” Xander said. “You sure as hell can’t trust them without a soul and you can’t completely trust ‘em even with a soul.”
“I completely trust Spike. If it weren’t for the trigger, I’d never have him chained,” Buffy said.
“Yeah, well I agree with Giles. You’re letting your feelings for Spike affect your judgment. I know he’s attractive, but try and focus on his personality,” Xander said.
“Being attracted to him isn’t the only reason I have feelings for him,” Buffy said, scowling.
“Is it the bad boy thing? I thought you were over that.”
“No. It’s not the bad boy thing. Although some of the trappings of it do still kinda appeal to me,” Buffy said, with a crooked smile.
“Well, then I am completely mystified,” Xander said, throwing up his hands.
“If we’re done here, I think I’m going to get some fresh air,” Dawn said.
“You shouldn’t go outside alone,” Buffy said, turning her attention back to her sister.
“Don’t worry. I won’t,” said Dawn.
4
It was pouring down rain in the middle of the night. Little Robin Wood watched through the slats of the park bench as his Mamma fought the platinum blond vampire. They fought fiercely before Mamma kicked the vampire, sending him tumbling back.
The vampire stood and exclaimed, “Well, all right! Got the moves, don’t you? I’m gonna ride you hard before I put you away, luv.”
“You sure about that? You actually look a little wet and limp to me. And I ain’t your ‘luv’,” Mamma said. The vampire smirked at her.
Mamma kicked the bad vampire again and the fight resumed. Robin was scared. Mamma usually dusted them by now. Suddenly, the vamp overpowered Mamma, pushing her to the ground and straddling her. He punched her repeatedly in the face. Mamma grabbed the vampire’s arm and kicked him off. She tried to punch him, but the vampire twisted her arm around and opened his mouth wide to bite her exposed neck. Alarmed, Robin stood, knocking over a trashcan. Startled, the vamp turned and Mamma seized the moment, head butting him and freeing herself from his grip. She elbowed him, punched him, and knocked him down. Mamma got out her stake as the vampire stood and then threw it at his heart. The vamp caught it between his palms, inches in front of his heart. He grinned.
“I spent a long time trying to track you down,” said the vamp. “Don’t want the dance to end so soon, do you…Nikki? The music’s just starting, innit?” He tossed the stake back at her and it landed with a few clinks on the pavement. The vampire walked away to a nearby lamppost and hopped on the ledge it was embedded in. He turned around and stared at Mamma. “By the way…love the coat,” he said, and then hopped off the ledge and disappeared into the night.
Robin came around from behind the bench and called out, “Mamma!”
Mamma squatted down and gave him hug. “You did a good job, baby boy. You stayed down just like Mamma told you,” she said before pulling back. Now she wasn’t wearing her coat anymore and her skin was ashen. “But when are you going to avenge me? You know where he is. You know his name. Look what that monster did to me?” she said, turning her head to the side in an unnatural way, bones poking through her broken neck.
Robin screamed as he woke up. He looked around the room and wiped the sweat from his forehead. “Don’t worry…tonight it ends,” he muttered. Then he got up and began getting ready.
5
Dawn went downstairs and stopped by the desk in the living room. The room was full of Potentials watching TV and Spike glaring at it and not really paying attention. Dawn grabbed an empty envelope and wrote something on it. She dropped the envelope in Spike’s lap and then headed for the backdoor.
Spike picked the envelope up and read what was on it, silently. It said ‘MEET ME IN THE BACKYARD.’ Spike frowned. Guess she’s pissed at me for clocking her with the cot, Spike thought. He got up and headed for the backdoor. When he got outside, he found Dawn on the bench.
“Wanted to see me, Platelet?” he asked, tentatively sitting down.
“I know what Buffy did to you when you were going out last year. She told us…me and Xander and Willow…although I think she told Willow before us.”
Spike blinked. “She didn’t have to do that…” Spike said.
“I trusted you completely, Spike. I believed in you. I loved you,” Dawn said, looking down. Then she looked at him. “I miss that. After you attacked Buffy…it’s like everything I thought you were was a lie. Now that I know what she did to you, I’m thinking maybe I was right about you the first time. It sounded like the things she did to you could break anybody. I want things to be like they were between us, but I need some honest answers first.”
Spike inhaled and closed his eyes, then opened them again. “Ask me what you want, Niblet,” he said.
“Was it premeditated?”
“No.”
“Were you temporarily insane?”
Spike chuffed. “Not sure how temporary it was, but I’d say I’d definitely went ‘round the bend. I actually felt…guilt…over it. Didn’t compare to the guilt I felt later, but still…”
Dawn’s eyes widened. “You felt guilt?!” She let a smile touch her face. “Maybe you were growing a new soul…or pulling your old one back.”
“Interesting theory. Don’t know, luv,” Spike said, letting a brief smile play across his lips as well.
“Do you think you could have been good without a soul? Or did you?”
“I did. Now…I don’t know. Maybe under different circumstances. Or maybe not. All I know is that I needed one then. Trying to be good was too hard without one. It’s not always so easy with one, but at least I’m not flying blind. At least now I can feel when things are wrong.”
“Once, I had this theory…that you were lying about being all bad and stuff as a human and that you were really a nice guy. ‘Cause you seemed pretty nice for a vampire. I know you couldn’t attack me with the chip, but you could have been mean to me, if you wanted. And it seemed like, even though I know you started out being nice to me because you wanted to get on Buffy’s good side, it seemed like later on you liked me just for me and that you were just being yourself with me. So deep down or once upon a time, you were a nice guy…Were you?” Dawn asked.
Spike sighed. “Fine, you caught me. When I was a human, I was a good little boy. Not that I was worth a damn,” Spike said, with an edge of bitterness.
“Why say that?”
“I was this pathetic little ponce that sat around writing bloody awful poetry and pining for a popular woman who, as it turned out, was not at all who I thought she was and didn’t give a shit about me. I was a gentleman in the cuffs and collar crowd. The rich and famous and oh so high and mighty. I had no friends except for my mother who- who-” Spike stopped mid-sentence and grabbed his head.
“Spike??”
He was back in his house again. He laid his tweed jacket on the arm of a nearby chair as he walked into the sitting room. He saw his mother’s cane leaning against the couch.
“Mother?” William asked, looking around.
Mother walked out of the gloom holding her favorite music box. It was open and playing ‘Early One Morning.’ Her hair was down in long curls and looked brighter. Her skin had a much healthier, if still pale, glow. “Hello, William,” she said smiling.
William smiled. “Look at you…”
“Mm, yes. All better,” she said perkily.
“You’re positively glowing,” William said.
“Am I? Well, I suppose I have you to thank for that, don’t I?” Mum said, putting the music box down and closing it. She turned to him. “How ever will I repay you?”
“Seeing you like this is payment enough.”
“Oh, William, you’re so…tender,” she said, caressing his cheek.
“Well, this is as it should be, Mother. You and I together. All of London laid out before us,” he said, opening his arms wide for emphasis.
“Ah, yes. Us.”
“First we’ll feast,” William went on, “Then the night is yours. Theater, perhaps? Dancing? Tell me, what’s your pleasure?” he asked, placing a hand on her back.
Mother’s brow creased. “Pleasure? Why, to take my leave of you, of course. ‘The lark hath spake from twixt its wee beak?’ You honestly thought I could bear an eternity listening to that twaddle?”
The smile was immediately wiped from William’s face and was replaced by a confused expression. Had he heard her right?
“I feel extraordinary! It’s as though I’ve been given new eyes,” Mum said, walking around the room. “I see everything! Understand…” (she sat down on a couch and frowned at William) “everything.”
“Mother…” William said, hurt beginning to show on his face.
“I hate to be cruel- No…I don’t. I used to hate to be cruel in life. Now I find it rather freeing. Nothing less will pry your greedy little fingers off my apron strings, will it?” she asked, eyes widening.
William turned his head and shut his eyes. “Stop~ Please~”
Mother moved in closer. “Ever since the day you first slithered from me like a parasite…”
William looked at her, shocked. “What are you s-”
“Had I known better, I could have spared myself a lifetime of tedium and just dashed your brains out when I first saw you.”
William backed away from her and into the wall.
His mother turned and paced away from him. “God, I’d pray you’d find a woman…but you scarcely showed an interest! Who could compare to your doddering, housebound mum? A captive audience for your witless prattle.”
William was hurt that she apparently found his old self so lacking, but if that were the only trouble then surely she could be reassured and all would be well. He walked up to her and declared, “Whatever I was, that’s not who I am anymore.”
She chuffed and turned to face him once more. “Darling, it’s who you’ll always be. A limp…sentimental fool.” William began backing away towards the fireplace and Mother followed, continuing her diatribe. “You want to run don’t you? Scamper off and cry to your new little trollop. Do you think you’ll be able to love her?” Mother asked, pawing at his face and moving in much too close. “Think you’ll be able to touch her without feeling me?” William looked around, trying to find an escape from this highly disturbing situation and feeling truly panicked and disgusted. “All you ever wanted was to be back inside,” Mum continued. “You finally got your wish, didn’t you? Sank your teeth into me. An eternal kiss.”
“No,” William said, shaking his head. “I only wanted to make you well.”
“You wanted your hands on me…Perhaps you’d like to finish off what you started,” Mother said, pulling at his shirt.
William pushed her away and pried her fingers off of him, turning his head away from her face. “I love you. I did. Not like this.”
“Just like this,” she said, reclaiming her grip. “This is what you always wanted.” Then her face softened and she cooed at him, “Who’s my dark little prince?” She pressed her fingers into his cheek as she attempted to kiss him.
“No!” William yelled, pushing her away and onto the floor by the couch.
Mother seethed. “Get out. Get out!” she yelled, grabbing her cane and standing. Then she brought the cane up and swung it at him. She pushed him into mantle ledge and struggled to whack him fiercely. Finally, William grabbed the wooden cane away, and broke it. His mother vamped out and smiled at him, sharp fangs glistening in the firelight. “There, there, precious…It will only hurt for a moment.”
William looked at her sadly. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry,” he said, and then steeled himself and plunged the cane through his Mother’s heart. Mum’s human face returned and she looked surprised for a moment. William gasped, wishing to take the action back immediately. Then his mother smiled sadly at him and dissolved into dust. William stood by the fire in shock, breathing out of panicked reflex.
“Are you saying you’re sorry, to me?” Dawn asked.
Spike blinked, and looked at her. “No. To my Mum,” he said. “You see, I turned her into a vampire.”
“Whoa! Did you hate her?”
“No! She was dying of tuberculosis. I wanted to save her. Plus, we were very close and I didn’t want to lose her,” said Spike.
“Oh,” said Dawn.
“After she became a vampire, she turned on me. Said some nasty things. I thought that meant that she never really loved me - that she really felt that way about me and was only just being nice as a human. She was the only one that loved me as a human. And now I know she did really love me. When I turned her, I set loose a demon…and it tore into me. Whatever she thought of me, she loved me. Suppose it just didn’t transfer when she became a vampire,” Spike said, wrinkling his forehead in thought.
“Maybe she was just pissed that you turned her,” Dawn suggested.
“She seemed fine with it. She just wanted to leave me.” Spike scratched his head.
“Well…maybe it was more like she wanted you to leave her. Like the momma bird pushing the baby out of the nest.”
“Cruel to be kind?” Spike queried.
Dawn shrugged.
Spike pulled a stake out of his back pocket and handed it to Dawn. “Here. I’m going to sing ‘Early One Morning’ and I want you to stake me if I vamp out,” Spike said.
“Kind of a gamble!” Dawn said.
“’M pretty certain that I’m de-triggered,” Spike said. He sang a few bars of ‘Early One Morning’, waited a moment, and then smiled.
Dawn smiled back and returned the stake to him.
“Thank you,” Spike said, “for being such a nosey little girl.”
“Young woman. And you’re welcome,” said Dawn.
“Now where did we land, Platelet?”
Dawn hugged him, wrapping her arms around his neck, and he knew the answer. He brought his own arms up to encircle her and smiled.
“But you’re on probation,” Dawn said.
“Fair ‘nuff,” Spike replied.
6
Buffy got the Potentials started on training down in the basement, and then came up the stairs. She shut the basement door, closed her eyes, and sighed.
“Hey, luv. Got a moment?” Spike asked, startling her with his sudden presence.
Buffy put her hand on Spike’s chest and he cocked an eyebrow at her. “Just making sure you aren’t The First…since you appeared all…all of a sudden,” Buffy said.
“Spike’s de-triggered!” Dawn said, popping out from behind Spike.
Spike nodded and told Buffy everything he told Dawn about his mother and the trigger.
“That explains sooo much,” Buffy said, after Spike was done.
“I’d like it to remain just among the three of us,” said Spike.
“I don’t blame you,” Buffy said.
Spike gave her a tender look. “Dawn told me what you did for me…telling your secrets…”
“Hey, it wasn’t just for you,” said Buffy with a crooked smile. “Those secrets were eating me alive anyway.”
Dawn put her hands on her hips and said, “In light of everything that’s happened, I’ve decided to forgive you both for being sick and twisted last year.”
“Thank you. How generous,” Buffy said dryly. Then she gave Dawn a grin. “C’mon you guys, let’s join the others in the dining room. Giles brought over a butt-load of old books and Watchers diaries for us to research the Hellmouth with.”
“Oh, joy,” said Spike.
When Buffy, Spike and Dawn entered the dining room, the table was piled high with books. Giles, Willow, Xander, Anya, and even Andrew were already reading through them.
“Ah, Buffy, there you are,” said Giles.
“Find anything good so far?” Buffy asked.
“We’ve been looking for a way to close the portal on the Hellmouth that is covered by The Seal of Danthazar …but so far we haven’t had any luck,” Giles said.
“So now we’re looking for a spell or a clue on how to put a seal on the seal,” said Willow. “Something with a magic combo that The First would have to have its cronies crack. Or even better, something that couldn’t be broken.”
“Hopefully we find something before The First finishes marshalling its army of Turok-Han,” added Anya.
“That would definitely be a plus,” said Buffy.
Just then they heard a knock at the door. Spike dropped the book he was looking at and said, “I’ll get it.”
Spike made his way to the front door and looked through the little windows on it. It was Wood. Spike sighed and opened the door.
“Ah, Spike. Just the vampire I was looking for,” Wood said.
“Oh? You’re looking for me? What for?” Spike asked, giving the principal a discerning look.
“I need your help with something over at my place,” Wood replied.
Spike shrugged and said okay. Then he turned his head and yelled, “Hey, Buffy~ I’m heading over to Wood’s for something!” Spike listened for her okay and then was out the door.
7
Spike waited while Robin Wood unlocked the door to a shed.
“You live in a garage?” Spike asked.
“This is just a work room. Kind of my, uh, sanctuary,” Wood said as he walked in to the darkened room.
Spike followed. “A little place to unwind, eh?”
Wood shut the door and flicked the lights on. Spike looked around the room and saw that every square inch of the walls was covered with crosses. Then he heard a click as Wood locked the door. Crap, thought Spike. “What the bloody hell is this?” he asked.
“It’s the Hellmouth, Spike. You can never be too careful,” Wood said, unbuttoning his shirt to reveal a tank top and arm guards underneath. He picked up some armored fist plates from the floor and put them on.
Spike turned around to face Wood. “Looks like you wanna’ fight. Any particular reason?”
“I know who you are now. I’ve been searching for you for a very, very long time. Ever since you killed my mother,” Wood said, tightening his gear and coming closer. “She was a slayer. I’m sure you remember her.”
“Nikki,” Spike said softly. “You were her little boy. Suppose there’s no sense in trying to reason with you…”
“I don’t care about your soul. You still have the monster inside you, and I’m going to destroy it.” With that, Wood through a punch that Spike ducked. He quickly used his other fist to punch Spike in the gut. The vampire staggered back and Wood punch him in the face. He drove Spike back against the wall and pressed the vampire’s face into it.
Spike screamed and pushed Wood away. Then he moved away from the wall before the man could pin him again. Spike backed into the center of the room. Wood kicked and punched at him, finally getting the upper hand again dragging him to the floor. Wood straddled Spike, grabbed his collar and began punching Spike in the face.
“Is this what it felt like” (PUNCH) “when you beat the life out of her,” (PUNCH) “toyed with her,” (PUNCH) “when you snapped her neck?!!”
Robin raised his fist to punch again, but the vampire caught it that time. Spike punched him in the face, knocking him off.
Spike sprung up and morphed into vamp face.
8
Buffy picked up a Watcher’s diary and looked at the first page. The diary was about a New York slayer. No Hellmouth in New York. She was about to put the book down when the name of the slayer jumped out at her. Nikki Wood. Robin’s mother? Buffy’s brow furrowed and she flipped to the end of the book. The Vampire Spike was mentioned heavily near the end. The last entry was ‘Today Nikki Wood was killed by The Vampire Spike.’ Buffy’s eyes widened.
Buffy grabbed Giles’s sleeve. “Giles, I need to talk to you. Everyone else keep researching,” she said, as she dragged Giles out of the room.
“What is it Buffy?” asked Giles.
“Spike killed Principal Wood’s mother.”
“She was one of the slayers Spike killed? Must have been the last one,” Giles said. “He must be Nikki Wood’s son, then.”
“Do you think he knows? What if he knows?! I have a bad feeling Giles,” Buffy said, as she handed him the book. “I’m going to Robin Wood’s place,” Buffy said and then grabbed her jacket and dashed out the door.
9
When Buffy arrived at Wood’s apartment, she pounded on the door. No answer. She kicked it in. The apartment was dark and empty. She rifled through the apartment looking for clues. Finally she happened upon a receipt for a shed rental. She noted the address and ran out the door.
He knows! I just know it! Buffy thought. What if I’m too late? What if Spike doesn’t win? What if he’s dust when I get there? Buffy ran faster, blinking tears from her eyes.
10
Spike snarled and kept punching and kicking Robin Wood. The man fought back fiercely, but was outmatched. Finally, Wood was slammed against the wall. Spike bared his fangs and sunk them into his neck. He drained enough to weaken the man and then let him go. Wood slumped to the floor, groggy but awake.
Spike spat out of mouthful of blood. He didn’t want to savor it. He didn’t want a tasty meal. Part of him felt good to have some fresh, warm, human blood for a change, but the other part wanted to separate ‘yummy meal’ from ‘battle.’
Spike pointed at Wood. “I’m letting you live ‘cause I killed your mum. Fuck with me in any way from now on, and I snap your neck. Got it?” With that, Spike walked over to the door, kicked it open, and walked out.
11
Buffy ran down the alley, nearing the shed in the distance. She saw a figure walk out. Spike! She slowed down and met him just past the shed. He looked a bit bruised up and she could have sworn she saw a cross imprint on his cheek, but other than that he looked unharmed. Although quite perturbed.
“Spike, I figured out about Wood…Is he…?”
“He lives. Gave him a pass this time only,” Spike said as he walked on by. Buffy watched him briefly as he stalked away, and then went to check on Wood.
She found him stumbling across the room towards a first aid kit. “I understand how you feel. I know Spike killed your mom,” Buffy said. “But I can’t let you kill him. And I won’t stop him from killing you in self-defense, if it comes to that.”
“What is he to you?” Wood asked, turning to face her.
Buffy paused a moment. “He’s part of my team and that’s all you need to know,” she said. Buffy turned and walked away.
12
When Buffy came home, everyone else was asleep. She found Giles asleep on the couch and covered him with a blanket. Then she went down to the basement, where she found Spike asleep on the cot. He didn’t look like he was having a good sleep, though. He was curled up, still in his clothes and halfway out of the blankets. His face retained a look of frustration even as he lay still as death.
She sat down on the edge of his cot. His eyes fluttered open at the squeaking of the springs. “You look like you could use some comfort,” Buffy said.
“I just need some sleep,” said Spike.
“Want me to sleep with you?” Buffy asked.
Spike raised his eyebrows.
“Uh, actual sleep,” Buffy said with a slightly embarrassed look.
Spike thought a moment. “Yes, I’d like that but…” He looked down. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“I wouldn’t be uncomfortable. I could use some comfort…with you,” Buffy said.
“This- this is venturing into romantic territory again, luv,” Spike said trying to smile and sound light.
“If there is a future, who knows what it brings. I just want to stay with you tonight,” Buffy said, starting to look slightly desperate.
“Been having those prophetic dreams, haven’t you? Been havin’ trouble sleeping I bet.”
“I wanna stay with you,” Buffy said softly.
Oh, God,
there’s that hope again, thought Spike. He sighed. Fine. I’ll treasure
it. Holding her tonight. And worry about anything else later.
Spike nodded his head and scooted back on the cot leaving her a space to lie down. Buffy smiled and lay down on her side in front of him. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. Then he kissed the back of her head.
“Buffy…I love you.”
She put her hand over his. “Thank you,” she whispered.
13
Wood walked in the door to find his apartment rifled through. He sighed and closed the door. As he began straightening up, a familiar voice spoke to him.
“I’m very disappointed in you, baby,” First!Nikki said. “Are you going to give up that easily?”
“You’re not my mother and I’m done listening to you,” Wood said. “It’s over. For better or worse.”
“Oh, believe me baby, it’s gonna be worse.” And with that, First!Nikki disappeared.
14
Buffy woke up that morning to see herself standing over her. “Wonderful…it’s The Taunter,” Buffy said sitting up.
First!Buffy scowled.
“Taunt, taunt, taunt, all the livelong day!” Buffy exclaimed standing up. “Well talk to the hand, sister, cause the face don’t wanna hear it no more,” Buffy added holding up her hand.
The First revealed its true form and roared at her, blowing hot air around the room with such force that it blew Buffy’s hair back from her face. Spike woke up with a jolt and jumped up on the cot.
“FOOLISH CHILD! DO YOU THINK YOU CAN FOOL ME? I KNOW YOUR FEAR,” The First roared.
“I might be afraid of your Uber Vamps or Bringers, but I’m not afraid of you. You’re nothing but hot air,” Buffy said, folding her arms across her chest.
“So, piss off!” Spike added.
The First morphed into the form of Spike’s mother. “Filthy beast! Do you think you’re free? You’re the same pathetic fool you always were,” it said.
“Oh, playing the mother card are we? Well bite me you incorporeal shape-stealing bitch!” Spike said as he flipped The First Evil off.
“So that’s what your mom looks like?” Buffy asked.
“Focus, luv,” Spike said, shifting his attention to Buffy.
Buffy looked Spike’s way briefly before turning back to The First…which was gone. “Huh,” Buffy said.
15
Xander, Giles, Anya, and a few Potentials were gathered around the kitchen island eating donuts when Buffy and Spike came up the basement stairs. “First alert!” Buffy said, as she picked up a donut.
“The First? You had a visitation?” Giles asked.
“Yep, and I get the feeling it’s getting really close to doing whatever it’s going to do,” Buffy said.
“Otherwise, why come over to taunt?” Spike added, grabbing a mug from the cupboard.
“Well that’s a fine good morning!” Anya said.
At that moment, someone knocked on the kitchen door, causing Xander to yelp and jump a little. “Sorry, a little jumpy. I’ll get it,” he said. He opened the door to find Principal Wood.
“Can I come in?” Wood asked.
“As long as you aren’t here for anything…vengeful,” Buffy replied.
“No. I just have some news from school,” Wood said. Xander stood aside and let him in. “Someone has busted open the water main at the high school. The police suspect it was done with an ax. Due to flooding the school will be closed for three more days.”
“It’s probably just as well, with all the Hellmouthy activity,” said Buffy. “I can’t help but think this is the work of a Bringer, though.”
Willow appeared in the doorway behind them. “Soon. I can feel it,” she said.
“Forces are aligning to open that portal to Ubie-ville,” finished Xander.
“And we still don’t have a plan,” added Anya.
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To be continued
Grrrr! Arg!
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