A Butterfly Flaps Its Wings
Chapter 1
by Sailor Lum
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Characters/Pairing: Severus/Lily
Rated:
R to NC-17
Overall
Summary: Severus Snape
arrives a moment later to the scene of what could become his worst memory and
makes some better choices. The result is that the entire course of his life is
changed. (Fic Series Masterlist)
Content, Warnings: sexuality (involving sixteen year olds, with each
other); language; violence (including some brief descriptions of The Holocaust
that may be triggering)
Word Count: 11,420
General Warnings: Book purists beware – Hogwarts
uniforms follow the movies and only pre-Pottermore
canon is counted as canon for this fic, as this fic was planned and plotted before Pottermore
came about (although I'll use stuff from Pottermore
that I like and that works). Individual
parts in this series may be rated as high as NC-17.
Notes: There’s a bit of text from canon, at the beginning.
Also, Severus’s characterization is primarily based
off of teen Snape (as opposed to Professor Snape). And, I’m using British vocab
for many things (or trying to). For instance, pants = underwear; left school =
graduated.
Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling. Also, any
characters depicted in explicit sexual situations are at the age of consent or
older.
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1
Severus
Snape stared down at his O.W.L. examination questions
paper, obsessively going over it and reviewing his answers in his head. He was
not watching where he was going and he was inadvertently heading towards the
lake. As he neared a beech tree where The Marauders happened to be lounging, he
tripped. Severus landed with a thud on the grass, breaking his fall with his
left hand while his right hand clutched the exam paper.
Severus
got up quickly, stuffed the exam paper into his bag, and assessed the damage.
He was bleeding. The side of his hand had a shallow ragged gash from a sharp
little rock that it had landed on. Severus started walking again as he got out
his wand and began chanting a healing spell that sounded almost like a song,
moving the tip of his wand over the gash while he did so. “Vulnera
Sanentur…Vulnera Sanentur…Vulnera Sanentur.”
While
Severus unwittingly moved closer to the beech tree, James Potter took notice.
“This’ll liven you up, Padfoot,”
said James, quietly. “Look who it is…and he’s singing to himself.” James
sniggered.
Sirius’s
head turned. He was still for a moment, like a dog that has scented a rabbit.
“Excellent,” he said, softly. “Snivellus.”
Sirius
and James stood up, while Remus and Peter remained
sitting. Remus was still staring down at his book,
though his eyes were not moving and a faint frown line had appeared between his
eyebrows. Peter watched Sirius and James head towards Severus, with
anticipation.
“All
right, Snivellus?” asked James, loudly.
Severus
reacted swiftly, almost like he was expecting an attack. He dropped his bag
from his left shoulder, and turned to face his enemies.
“Expelliarmus!” James shouted.
With
his wand already out, Severus managed to block the spell and then tore off in a
run. He ran into the tall grass that grew behind the tree and across the lawn a
ways. James and Sirius gave pursuit and followed into the grass, flinging
various hexes and jinxes at him.
Remus
looked up from his book with a sour expression on his face, and sighed as he
watched the tall grass shake and shimmy with the movement of his friends and
their prey. Peter followed the action avidly. “Did they get him?” Peter asked.
“Looks
like nobody’s got anybody, so far,” Remus said,
placing a bookmark in his book and closing it.
The
other students around the lake began to take notice of the action. More than a
few were laughing and whispering amongst themselves, although some looked
apprehensive. Severus could be heard swearing and hexing as he tore through the
tall grass.
Lily
Evans, who had been sitting with some of her girlfriends and going over the
day’s O.W.L. exam paper, looked up at the all too familiar sounds of hexing and
swearing. Oh, no! Not again! Lily thought. Potter and his mates had been
ragging on Severus even more than usual, lately. Lily debated whether she
should try to help or let Severus try to get out of the situation by himself.
It wouldn’t have been up for debate at all, if Severus didn’t have a nasty
habit of getting bent out of shape over being rescued.
Suddenly,
Severus burst through the tall grass in the direction of the lake. He looked
behind him as James and Sirius tore through the grass, hot on his tail. Severus
flung his wand arm back in a pointed arc, and there was a flash of light that
caused a gash to appear on James’ cheek, spattering his collar with blood. Not
looking where he was going, however, Severus ran right into the lake.
“Impedimenta!”
shouted Sirius, just missing Severus, who had flung himself under the water.
Lily
gasped. “Stop it! He’ll drown!” Lily sprang to her feet and ran to where James
and Sirius were hurling spells at Severus. Severus was paddling away with
great, wet, uncoordinated splashes. “Stop! Stop!” Lily yelled as she skidded to a halt in front of the
boys.
“Expelliarmus!” James yelled, casting the spell before he could
register that Lily was now in the way. A jet of scarlet light hit Lily in the
left shoulder, sending her spinning back into the lake with a yelp.
“Evans!”
James cried.
Severus
stopped his paddling and turned to see Lily coughing and struggling a few feet
behind him. Some of her long hair was in her face and her school robe had
gotten twisted around her body, constricting her movement. Severus quickly
paddled back to her, while James made some quick steps into the water. Severus
reached Lily before James could move beyond the shallows, so James sighed and
backed away to the shore.
Severus
scooped Lily up, one arm underneath her legs and the other underneath her back,
and kicked back to the shallows with her. When Severus sat her down, Lily
pulled her hair out of her face, untangled her robe and stood up in the
calf-deep water, breathing hard. “Are you all right?” Severus asked, panting
and casting wary glances at The Marauders, behind dripping curtains of hair.
Before
Lily could answer, she was interrupted by the sound of braying laughter.
Everyone looked to the right, at the source of the noise. Mulciber,
Avery and a small group of Slytherins were standing
by a wooden rowboat at the edge of the lake, laughing and jeering. Severus gave
them a confused look.
“Better
throw that one back, Severus!” crowed Mulciber.
Severus blinked.
“Perhaps
he didn’t want our lake polluted with filthy Mudblood
rubbish, like her?” asked Avery. This elicited another peal of laughter from
the group. An angry red flush crept over Severus’s
face, as he gritted his teeth. They weren’t supposed to call Lily that. Not
Lily.
“You’re
the ones who are rubbish!” James shot back, now turning his attention to Mulciber and Avery.
Lily
attempted to step forward and wet popping sound was heard as her shoe came off,
having been lodged in the mud. Laughter swept over the Slytherins,
once more. Lily’s face flushed red as she stood on one leg and glared at them.
Severus quickly bent down to free the shoe and put it back on Lily’s foot.
“What
charity!” cried Avery.
“Poor
little Mudblood lost her shoe in the mud. How
fitting,” said Mulciber, loud enough for all to hear.
The
Slytherins burst into laughter again. Led by Mulciber, they began to chant “Muddy Mudblood!”
at Lily.
Somewhere
inside Severus’s head, a small fuse cracked and
popped. “STOP CALLING HER THAT!!” Severus screamed, looking quite mad with his
wet, matted hair hanging in his flushed, red face. Then, as if to put a point
on it, Severus hit both Mulciber and Avery with two
angry red bolts of a Stunning spell. A gasp went up from the entire crowd at
the lake.
Then,
Severus grabbed Lily’s wrist and began running with her in tow, away from the
lake and towards The Forbidden Forest. Lily ran thoughtlessly to keep from
being dragged. Soon, she could hear a thundering of footsteps behind her.
Several Slytherin students and The Marauders were in
hot pursuit.
As
they ran into The Forbidden Forest, Lily grabbed Severus’s
arm with her free hand and hissed, “Follow me!” Severus didn’t really know
where he was going and recognized the no-nonsense tone in Lily’s voice, so he
complied.
Lily
ran a little deeper into the forest and then turned left, with Severus still
holding fast to her wrist. Lily finally caught sight of what she was looking
for, and ran straight towards the trunk of a gigantic old tree, with no signs
of slowing. Severus gasped, but followed, and soon found himself plunged into
darkness as they ran through the wall of what turned out to be a hallow tree
trunk. Lily stopped as soon as they were inside, and Severus put out a hand to
keep from crashing into the opposing wall of the hallowed out tree.
Footsteps
thundered past their hiding spot. Severus and Lily could hear the Marauders and
the Slytherins yelling and cursing (sometimes at
Severus and sometimes at each other) as they went by. When the footsteps faded
away completely, Severus finally released his hold on Lily’s wrist.
Lily
got out her wand and said, “Lumos.” A beam of light shown from the end of her wand. Lily stared
seriously for a moment up into the thin, panting face of her childhood friend.
“We have to talk,” Lily said. She lifted the tip of her wand upwards as she
said this, revealing a ladder going up into the tree.
Severus
followed the light with his eyes, and realized that his hand was not on the
wall of the trunk, but on a wooden slat. “What is this place?” he asked.
“It’s
the Gryffindor Girls’ Secret Tree House,” Lily replied.
Severus
snorted like he was going to laugh.
“Don’t
laugh. Betty Robins’ oldest sister built it with her friends when they went
here. Go on up.”
Severus
looked at her uncertainly for a moment and then he began to climb the ladder.
The wooden slats creaked as he went up. “There’s a trap door at the top,” Lily
yelled. “Push up.” Upon reaching the top, Severus pushed the trap door open and
climbed through.
Severus
looked around. The tree house consisted of one big room. The floor was made
with wooden two-by-fours and the walls and ceiling were formed from tangled
tree branches. The tangled branches kept the tree house and its occupants
hidden from view, but allowed sunlight in. On the floor, there were several
large red throw rugs, with yellow trim. In the center of the room sat a cast
iron heating stove.
Lily
made her way up through the trap door, and then closed it with a small thunk. She got her wand out once more, and pointed it at
the stove. “Estus!”
The enchanted coal-like rocks inside the stove lit up with a puff of hot air.
They burnt orange and smokeless.
Severus
opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it again. He shifted
uncomfortably in place.
Lily
walked to where Severus was standing. She stopped in front of him, put her
hands on her hips, and narrowed her eyes. Severus swallowed. “Uh, I’m- I’m
sorry about…about what happened…back there…” he stammered. “I don’t know why
they did that…They know you’re my friend…”
Lily
narrowed her eyes further. “And why should that make a difference to them?!”
“They’re
supposed to make an exception, since you’re my friend,” Severus replied,
shrugging.
“I
beg your pardon!” Lily exclaimed, arching her eyebrows. “Is that all you
think I’m worth?!”
A
cold flush swept over Severus. “No! I- They- They make one for me, to begin
with! I’m only a half-blood! Half and half, even!” Certain pure-blood families
thought half-bloods, especially half-and-halfs, were
dirty. Not as dirty as a Muggle-born, but dirty nonetheless.
Lily
let out a frustrated noise. She felt like tearing her hair out. “Are you out
of your mind, Sev?! Why would you want to be
friends with people who have to make an exception for you?! Or
for me?!”
“No
one else will have me!” Severus blurted, instantly regretting it.
“What about me, then?! I’ll have you!” Lily said, placing her hand
on her chest.
“If
I reject them, you’ll be the only one that will have me.”
“If
you keep hanging round with them and others like them, you won’t have me!
I can’t believe you would still want to hang round with them after what just
happened! Maybe you’ve already made your choice,” Lily said icily.
“What?!
No!” Severus exclaimed. “You- you don’t understand! How can I become a great
wizard without them?!” he blurted.
“What
are you talking about?!” Lily asked, folding her arms across her chest. “You’re
ten times the wizard they are! If they help you become any kind of great wizard,
it will be a great Dark Wizard! Is that what you really want?!”
“What-
I- But-” Severus stammered incoherently.
“And
which is more important – becoming some ‘great wizard’ or me?!” Lily
asked. Then she opened her mouth to speak more, but Severus cut across her.
“I
can’t ever have you if I don’t become a great wizard!! You’ll wind up with
someone like Potter!” Severus cried, as if the words were wrenched from him.
Then he snapped his mouth shut, blanched and promptly turned red.
Lily
blushed and gritted her teeth. “And what, in all that is Holy, does
James Potter have to do with anything? And what do you mean by have me?”
She had a feeling that he wasn’t talking about ‘having’ in the same way they’d
previously been talking about.
Severus
shivered. He felt his entire body go cold, despite the fact that the stove had
made the room quite warm by now. “He has everything,” Severus gritted
out. “I can’t compete with that.”
“I
don’t even like James Potter!” Lily replied. “And you still haven’t answered
my second question,” she added.
Severus
swallowed and stood there, struggling on the verge of speech.
“What
is it then?! You want to own me like some trophy?!” Lily asked, her face
flushing a deeper shade of red.
Severus’s
eyes widened. “What?! No! I love you!”
Lily
blinked and stared at him.
“I
love you. I’ve always loved you,” Severus said in a hushed voice, looking at
her desperately.
Lily’s
mouth twitched and she stared at him a moment longer. Finally she sighed,
grabbed hold of his shoulders, and gave him a light shake. “Why didn’t you say that before now?!” Lily exclaimed.
“Huh?”
Severus intoned dumbly.
“I
was worried you were really going over, Sev! None of
my other friends can understand why I even talk to you, with the way you act
around most people and the company you keep. I’ve been making excuses for you
for years. And then you started hanging round even more with Mulciber and Avery, who, incidentally, talk and act like
they are on their way to becoming Death Eaters. I was worried I was losing you
for sure!” Lily said.
“Huh?”
Severus raised his eyebrows.
“And
all this because you thought you had to become some great wizard, to- what, win
my heart? That’s dumb, Sev. And don’t even get me
started on the asinine way you tried to go about it,” Lily added. “Don’t you
know me at all?”
“But,
Potter-” Severus began.
“I
swear to God, Sev, if you mention Potter one more
time, I’m going to pull out your spleen and make you wear it as a hat,” Lily
said, eyeing him critically.
One
corner of Severus’s mouth twitched up into a half
grin, and he barely suppressed a nervous chuckle. “That would be some Dark
Magic,” he replied. Then he paused and added, “I’m confused.”
“Obviously,”
replied Lily. “Even if you thought I cared about you being a ‘great wizard’,
why would you think that hooking up with Death Eater wannabes was the way to
go? Seriously, they want to exterminate my kind!”
“Exterminate?”
Severus raised his eyebrows slightly.
“They’re
like Nazis!” Lily exclaimed. “Even if they only wanted to subjugate my kind,
that’s bad enough. And that’s how it starts, you know. First they pass some
prejudicial laws and then, before you know it, there’s
death camps and piles of bodies being bulldozed into mass graves.”
“What?”
Severus asked, giving her an incredulous and disturbed look.
“Can’t
you see how they’re like Nazis? And You-Know-Who is like Hitler!” Lily replied.
“What
are Naught-sees and who is Hitler?” asked Severus.
Lily
gave him a sour expression. “Please be kidding.”
“I’ve
never heard of them. Are they Muggle?” he asked.
“Didn’t
your mum go over World War II?!” Lily exclaimed, throwing up her hands.
“That’s
a Muggle war, right? We didn’t really study Muggle wars,” Severus replied.
Lily
stared at him.
“Do
you really think that The Dark-, er, You-Know-Who…and
the Death Eaters…are really like those Naught-sees? Death camps and piles of
bodies seems a bit…uh, excessive…did that really happen?” Severus asked.
Lily
sighed and gave Severus another sour look. “I guess my mother was right: ‘Those
who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it.’ I’ll get you a Muggle
history book, Severus. You’ll see.” And then she frowned and added, “You really
don’t think that subjugation is bad enough?”
“Well,
there’s already that,” Severus replied.
“Doesn’t
mean you have to add to it!” said Lily.
“I
thought…Seems like…Wouldn’t it pretty much just be more of the same? Just a
different group in charge?” asked Severus.
Lily
rubbed her forehead and sighed. “First of all: No. However corrupt the Ministry
is, it’s not as bad as the Death Eaters! I’ll bring you a book on and Hitler
and the Nazis, you’ll compare and contrast, and you’ll see. Second of all:
Don’t you think you should want to join up with the side that’s trying to make
things better?”
“What
side is that?” Severus asked sardonically. “Seems like
Lily
gave Severus a withering look. “Potter and his mates aren’t blood purists and
they don’t use Dark Magic.”
“They
might as well use Dark Magic, if they’re going to use magic the way they do,”
Severus replied. “What’s the difference between using a Dark Spell and using a
regular spell in a dark way? If the intent is the same, what does it matter
what spell is used? Isn’t it just as Dark? It’s just a loophole so they can
pretend they’re all high and mighty.”
“I’m
not saying what they’re doing is right. It isn’t. It’s bad,” Lily said. She
paused a moment as she struggled to put her thoughts into words. “You study
Dark Magic, Sev. You know that Dark Magic is Dark
because the intent behind the whole spell is Dark. It’s destructive in and of
itself.”
“Shouldn’t
the intent of the caster count, as well? If I stab someone to death with a
letter opener, is it any better than stabbing them to death with a regular
knife? After all, the letter opener didn’t have Dark intent in its creation but
my victim would be just as dead.” Severus replied.
Lily
gave Severus a sour look at his choice of analogy. “Isn’t a knife a lot easier
to stab someone to death with? Doesn’t that make it more dangerous? It’s a lot
easier to go too far with a Dark Spell, even if you were only using it in
defense. And some spells, like the Cruciatus Curse…no
good can come of those.”
Severus
looked at her and thought for a moment. “All right…fine… But I don’t think
people should get a break, just because they aren’t using Dark Magic to do
their dark deeds.”
Lily
let out an exasperated sigh. “Potter and his mates may be bad, but they aren’t
evil, Sev. Mulciber and
Avery… the things they get up to are evil,” Lily replied. “That doesn’t
mean that I condone the actions of…the merely bad…I just don’t feel like I have
to worry that Potter and his mates are going to take part in a genocidal plot
to take over the world. And James Potter did save your life. That’s something.”
“I
suppose,” Severus said, bitterly.
Lily
could hear the bitterness in Severus’s voice, but
figured it was a vast improvement over him flying into an incoherent fit every
time the subject of being rescued by Potter came up. It was as close to
grateful as she’d heard, yet.
“So,
anyway…no more Mulciber and Avery or any of their
sort, right?” Lily asked.
“If
that’s really what you want,” replied Severus, looking a tad dejected.
“How
can that not be what you want, after today?” Lily asked, her eyes
narrowing once more.
“You’re
not the one who’ll have to ward your bed for crossing them,” replied Severus.
“Doesn’t
that tell you how stupid you were to get involved with them in the first
place?” she asked.
“I’d
have just had to ward my bed, years sooner.”
“That
is a sad statement, Sev.” Lily gave him a look.
Severus
shrugged.
“And
while we’re at it…I don’t want to hear you to use the word Mudblood
again,” Lily continued.
“I
never call you Mudblood!” Severus exclaimed.
“I
don’t like hearing you call anyone else that, either. How would you like it if
one of your mates in Slytherin started calling people
nasty names for being half-blood and you overheard it? Would that make you feel
good?” asked Lily.
“Some
do. I don’t have to overhear it. They say it in front of me,” Severus replied.
“What?”
Lily asked incredulously.
“Well,
most people don’t know I’m a half-blood,” said Severus, shrugging. “Only my
dorm mates and Lucius Malfoy know. And
you. Lucius advised me not to tell anyone else
and got the others not to mention it, as well. He said it was better to let
everyone think I’m pure-blood. He said certain families are more hard nosed and
wouldn’t make an exception for me, like he would.”
Lily
gaped at him. “Why- Why are you- Why were you friends with these
people!? They’re detestable! And that Lucius Malfoy! The nerve!”
“But
Lucius has always been really nice to me. He still
writes me, even though he left school years ago.”
“Nice?!
Nice?!” Lily bellowed, causing Severus to raise
his eyebrows higher. “He’s led you astray! He swooped down on you from
the moment you got here and has been leading you astray ever since!”
“But-
but he was right about it going better for me if everyone thought I was
pure-blood,” Severus replied. “Regulus Black wouldn’t
even want to touch me if he knew I had actual Muggle parentage. He’d consider
me something like a half-breed.”
Lily’s
eyes narrowed to slits once more and her face flushed an angry scarlet. “And what
must a person like Regulus Black think of me?”
she grit out. “What do all of your so called former friends think of me?
I’ll tell you what they think - They think I’m sub-human! And they would think
that you are less than fully human, too! And the ones
making an exception for you? They think the same; otherwise they
wouldn’t need to make an exception.”
Severus
winced at her words, as if pricked with a needle. She wasn’t telling him
anything he didn’t already know, but hearing it put so plainly made it sting in
a way he couldn’t ignore.
“Doesn’t
it hurt?! Doesn’t it hurt to hear them tear down and call filthy everyone of
your birth?!” Lily asked.
Severus
looked down. His face was taught and his eyes were watery. “Yes,” he mumbled.
“Well,
then you know how I feel when you do it to everyone of my birth.”
Severus
jerked and looked up. “I didn’t mean- I didn’t think- I- I’m sorry. I’m sorry,
Lily. I won’t use it anymore.”
Lily
wiped some moisture from her own eyes and took another deep breath. “Good...
And I forgive you. Just- just don’t do it anymore. You
know better, Sev. You’re the one who told me it
didn’t matter being Muggle-born, in the first place. Although, I was starting
to wonder if you didn’t mean it-”
“No,
no,” he said, quickly, “I just wanted to fit in. They’re the ones who
think that…” Severus trailed off and gave her a shamefaced look.
“And
these are the type of people you were trying to fit in with?” Lily asked.
“I
guess that’s pretty fucked up,” Severus replied.
“You
guess?” Lily arched an eyebrow.
“It
is,” Severus said. “The whole world is fucked up, Lily.” Severus knew there were
loads of pro-pure-blood laws on the books at the Ministry. And he knew that he
was supposed to think that Muggle-borns were
inferior (and half-bloods less so), according to all the ‘best’ pure-blood
families and even his mother. Severus knew it was all bollocks, but that hadn’t
stopped him from playing along just to get in good with the elite.
Lily
sighed. “Well, being just as fucked up isn’t the answer, is it?”
Severus
blinked. “So, what is the answer, then?”
“Be
the best people we can be,” Lily replied, relieved that he was finally, really
listening to her.
Severus
snorted and gave her a faint, wry smile. “Oh? And what if I’m not very good?”
“Nonsense,”
said Lily. “I’ve known you a long time. You’ve got a good heart… Much too good for what you were getting into. You know I was
worried about you. It killed me to see you hanging round with such horrible
people and saying such horrible things. That’s not my Sev…
But now we’ve got you sorted out. Don’t we?” Lily looked at him hopefully.
Severus
nodded slowly, not really sure that he felt sorted out. He felt anxious and
unsure for his future. Severus knew it was wrong, but he wished that he could
keep Lily and all the pure-blood connections he’d made. Although, if
Lily is right about…, Severus started to think, before he felt a queasy
feeling forming in the pit of his stomach and stopped.
Lily
watched Severus nod slowly, and gave sigh of relief. “Good, that’s settled
then,” she replied, smiling warmly. He’s still my Sev.
I knew he didn’t really believe all that blood purity rot. I knew it. He’s
going to stay away from those bad influences, and everything will be all right,
now…I’m sure of it.
They
stared at each other for a while, unsure of what to say or do next. A curious
expression passed over Lily’s face, and Severus thought it was much like the
expression she had when she was trying to figure out what ingredient to try
next in one of their potions experiments.
Finally,
Lily took a deep breath, stepped forward, and brought her hands up to Severus’s neck, sliding them beneath the curtains of black
hair. She brought her hands to rest at the base of his head. Severus looked
down and before he could realize what was about to happen, Lily’s lips were
pressed to his. Severus stood still, too shocked to respond.
Lily
pulled back and looked at him. Severus was frozen like a deer in headlights.
“W- Well, isn’t that something you wanted?” Lily asked, cocking an eyebrow at
him.
“I
want more than a kiss,” Severus replied without thinking. Lily raised both her
eyebrows and gave him a scandalized look. “Uh, I mean, I want you to love me,”
he added hastily.
“I
do love you,” Lily replied, matter-of-factly.
“I
meant…like I love you,” said Severus.
“I
do. I just didn’t know you felt the same way, like I do now…or if it was just
hormones and some dumb competition with Potter,” said Lily.
“No,
no, I loved you before we even got to Hogwarts,” Severus replied, eyes wide
again.
“Well,
I just wish you had said something sooner…and hadn’t been so stupid as to fall
in with all those Death Eater wannabes,” Lily said. “I was hoping you would be
my first kiss, but not if…well, not if it was just hormones or something.”
“Who
was your first kiss?” Severus asked, with a somewhat sour look. He hadn’t
remembered her ever saying she had kissed anyone, but she could have just not
told him about it.
“You
are! You’re my first kiss,” Lily replied, almost laughing.
At
that, Severus broke into a wide smile, showing his slightly uneven teeth. Lily
hadn’t seen him smile that wide, in ages. “Really?” he asked, still smiling.
“Who
do you think I’ve kissed, anyway?” Lily asked, quirking an eyebrow at him.
“You’re
popular and pretty…You could have your pick,” Severus replied, shrugging.
“Well,
yes I suppose can,” Lily replied, laughing, “Since my pick is you and you feel
the same way…and since you’ve decided to stop being a complete idiot. I don’t
know about me being popular, though… Potter is the only one who hits on me and
asks me out…and you know I keep turning him down because he’s an arrogant
bullying toerag,” Lily replied.
“Really?” Severus asked. “No one else asks you?” Severus had
overheard several people express an interest in dating Lily over the years,
including Hamish Underwood of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team.
Lily
gave Severus a crooked smile. “That’s the same reaction I get from my
girlfriends. I’m starting to think that only girls and gits
think I’m attractive. And you… Although
you’ve been a right git, lately.”
“Sorry,”
Severus replied, looking shamed once more.
“I
forgive you,” said Lily. Then she asked, giving him a teasing smirk, “Have you
kissed anyone before?”
“Of course not! I don’t want to kiss anyone else but you,” Severus replied, and then
blushed.
“Good
to know,” Lily said, smiling. Then she put her arms around Severus’s
neck, and brought her face close to his.
Severus
thought his heart was going to pound right out of his chest. “Can’t believe…you
don’t get tons of blokes…asking you out…
“That’s
sweet, Sev,” Lily replied, closing her eyes. “It
doesn’t matter…I have who I want.” Lily sighed and brought her face a little
closer to Severus’s, until she could feel his breath
on her lips. Severus was still standing awkwardly with his arms hanging at his
sides, when she kissed him once more. This time the kiss lasted long enough for
Severus to respond. He closed his eyes and tentatively returned the kiss,
bringing his arms up to embrace Lily gingerly, his fingers lightly touching her
back.
Breaking
off the kiss, Lily sighed contentedly and Severus felt deliriously happy. He
could hardly believe what was happening. Now feeling bold in his delirium,
Severus pressed his hands firmly on Lily’s back, drew her body closer to his,
and clamped his mouth over hers in a passionate, if rather sloppy, kiss. Lily
was momentarily surprised at the sudden change in intensity, but pleasantly so.
Severus had always been a rather intense person, and while most people found
that off-putting, Lily found it to be one of his more attractive traits.
Severus
continued to kiss Lily wetly, moving his mouth over hers with feverish
intensity. Lily returned his kisses and pressed herself firmly against his
body. She could feel his heart beat fast in his chest, and could feel something
hard pressed against her abdomen. A nervous thrill shot through Lily as she
wondered if she was giving him a hard-on, and she blushed, bright red.
Severus
was so happy to finally be kissing Lily, that he was only vaguely aware of the
rest of his body. It wasn’t until Lily pressed her body upward, shifting her
weight to the balls of her feet, that Severus became aware that he was not only
harder than he’d ever been, but had his prick pressed firmly up against her
belly, as well. The friction from her movement caused Severus to gasp, push her
away, and take a quick step back for good measure.
Lily
and Severus stood for a moment, staring at each other, red faced and breathing
hard. Severus attempted to speak, but nothing intelligible came out. This
struck Lily as terribly funny, and she dissolved into a fit of giggling. Lily
stepped forward and buried her face in Severus’s
chest, as she continued to laugh hysterically, clutching at the sleeves of his
robe to keep from falling over.
At
least she doesn’t seem…offended,
Severus thought, when he was able to think halfway straight again. Then Severus
shifted his weight and let out a shuddering sigh. Just that small movement
caused an unbearably delicious sensation to shoot through his cock and
bollocks. Severus had never wanted a wank so bad in
his life, but he was hardly in a position to indulge at the moment.
As
Lily’s laughter died down, she raised her head and looked up into Severus’s face, which was beet red. “Are you all right?”
she asked, struggling for composure.
Yes.
No. Maybe, Severus thought. “Uh,”
was all that came out of his mouth.
Lily
tittered and moved forward to embrace him, once more. Severus quickly stepped
back and uttered something of a whimper.
“Are
you all right?” Lily asked, raising her eyebrows.
“I-
I…need a moment to…collect myself,” Severus finally replied, sounding hoarse
and breathless.
Lily
stepped back, put a hand over her mouth, and dissolved into gales of laughter.
Tears streamed down her face as she held her stomach, gasping for air between
laughs.
“You
felt it, didn’t you?” Severus asked, his face still flushed and his voice still
a bit hoarse sounding.
Lily
nodded her head ‘yes’, hand still firmly over her mouth, struggling to hold
back more laughter.
“It’s
not funny,” Severus said, giving her a look that was a mixture of sardonic and
embarrassed.
“Do
you need me to leave the room?” Lily asked, with barely contained amusement.
“Not…funny,”
Severus replied, putting a hand to his forehead.
“If
it makes you feel any better, I’m turned on too,” Lily added, tittering, once
more.
“Oh, God~!” Severus muttered, putting his hand over his face.
Lily
laughed again.
“Perhaps
you’d better go on ahead…back to the castle….I’ll meet you later,” Severus
said, in low and slightly shaky voice.
Lily
raised her eyebrows. Oh my! He really is wound up. She thought briefly
of suggesting some experimentation…but decided the day had been exciting
enough, already.
“All
right, then…I shall take leave of you, my Prince,” Lily replied with
melodramatic gallantry.
“Half-blood
Prince,” Severus corrected, automatically. He smiled sheepishly through his
fingers, at her.
Lily
gave him a bright smile and then turned to go.
“Lily?”
Severus called out.
“Yes?”
Lily asked, turning back around to face him.
“I
am your boyfriend, now, right?” Severus asked, giving her a slightly unsure
look.
“Yes,
you silly arse,” Lily replied, arching an eyebrow at
him. “Still need me to go on ahead?”
Severus
pulled his robes around him and flicked his eyes away from her gaze. “Yes.”
Lily
tittered. “Well, in that case…I give you permission to…to think of me! In fact,
I insist! I don’t want you thinking of other girls,” Lily said with a chuckle
and devious glint in her eye, as she threw open the trap door.
Severus
gaped at her and looked as if he might have a stroke.
Looking
at him, Lily felt immensely pleased with herself. She had always thought
Severus was immensely fun to tease, if she could do it without getting him
genuinely angry, and this time it seemed like she had outdone herself. Whole
new teasing possibilities had just opened themselves up to her. Now for the
coup de gras, Lily thought.
“Have
fun!” she said, watching Severus’s mouth drop open
slightly more. With that Lily turned and began climbing down the tree house
ladder.
Severus
could hear her laughter wafting up. He gingerly walked over to the trap door,
and looked down at her. “You’re wicked!” he exclaimed, in a scandalized voice.
When Lily laughed up at him once more, he added, “And by way, I’ve always
thought of you!”
Lily
looked up at him and gasped, nearly losing her footing.
Two
can play at this game, Severus
thought, smiling down at her lasciviously. If she can be naughty, so can I.
“Thank
you for giving me permission, though…that will make it more fun!”
Severus added before closing the trap door. For a moment, he thought he might
have gone too far, but then he heard her laughing hysterically again and knew
he was all right.
When
Lily’s laughter had faded and he was sure she was well away from the tree
house, Severus stumbled over to the wall and dropped to his knees. He grabbed
onto the tangly tree branch wall with one hand, and
undid his trousers with the other. Severus let out a long sigh. Just undoing
his trousers was a relief. Severus sighed again and pushed his pants down
enough to be out of the way. Then he grabbed his swollen prick and began
stroking. It didn’t take long before he came, red faced and gasping. And he had
thought of Lily. He couldn’t have helped it. He never could.
Once
Severus’s pulse returned to something approaching
normal, he used Scourgify to clean up any mess. Then
he righted his clothing. After doing the button on his trousers, Severus sighed
once more and smiled a little. Then he turned, put out the stove, and went down
the ladder.
When
he was safely out of the
2
Merlin’s
Beard! What a morning! Lily thought,
as she walked back to the castle. She put her fingers to her lips, which felt
swollen from all the kisses, and looked around. The grounds seemed empty. They
must have started serving lunch, she thought.
Lily
entered the castle and made her way up to the library. Lunch could wait a
little while longer, and the library was her and Severus’s
default meeting spot. Lily smiled as she walked through the halls of the
castle, thinking of how good it was to joke around again with Severus. Things
had gotten so tense lately; she’d almost forgotten just how much fun it could
be when he let his guard down.
Upon
reaching the library, Lily swiftly made her way to the Muggle Studies section.
As she looked through it, she noticed that most of the books on the lower
shelves were about how Muggles got along without magic, or about why Muggles
didn’t notice magic, or about other similar everyday differences between the
Muggle world and the wizarding world. Surely they
must have some books on Muggle history, Lily thought, as she climbed
up on a step ladder to peruse the upper shelves.
After
looking a while, Lily finally came across a small section on Muggle wars. She
grabbed a few books on modern Muggle warfare and sent them down to the desk
below, using her wand. Then Lily spied a very large tome with the words “WORLD
WAR II” embossed in silver on the spine. She grabbed it by the top and pulled
it out. “Ah ha,” Lily said, in a whisper. Lily came down off the ladder and
looked through the selection of smaller books first. All of them were written
by wizards and seemed to be more concerned with the differences between wizard
warfare and Muggle warfare. They would have been great if Lily wanted Severus
to learn all about cannons and guns, and whatnot. “Tch!” Lily clucked her tongue in disgust and sent
them back up.
Then,
Lily opened up the big one on World War II. The spine was stiff and barely
broken in, and no one had checked it out, yet. An inscription, on the inside,
noted that it had been donated to the library by Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. It looked fairly new, had plenty
of pictures, and was written by Muggles for Muggles. Finally! Lily
thought. Why aren’t there more like this? She flipped through it and
marked the sections she thought would be particularly illuminating with strands
of ribbon that she carried in her bag. Madam Pince
more than frowned on students turning down the ends of pages, so Lily found it
wise to keep ribbon on hand.
Suddenly,
Lily felt a hand lightly touching her shoulder, and jumped. She turned around
and saw Severus, holding up the offending hand, looking back at her with his
eyebrows slightly raised. “You startled me,” Lily whispered.
“Sorry,”
Severus replied, giving her a small bemused smile.
“Feeling
better?” Lily asked, with a wicked grin.
Severus
blushed and gave her a smirk. “Yes,” he replied.
Lily
giggled and was immediately hushed by Madam Pince.
After Madam Pince left the vicinity, Lily turned
around, closed the book on WWII, and handed it to Severus. “Here. I’ve marked
the most relevant sections.”
“All
right,” Severus replied, taking the book and looking it over. Although he was
curious about what he would find inside, Severus doubted it ultimately
mattered. He wasn’t going to join the Death Eaters, anymore, anyway.
Severus
went to Madam Pince and checked out World War II
amidst stern warnings that it be returned in pristine condition, and then he
and Lily left the library and headed to The Great Hall. When they arrived, they
agreed to meet back in the library after lunch and then split off in separate
directions. Lily made her way to the Gryffindor table to sit with her
girlfriends, and Severus warily made his way over to the Slytherin
table.
After
telling a First Year to budge over, Severus sat at the end of the Slytherin table. Food appeared immediately and he picked up
a fork, looked around to make sure he hadn’t come to anyone’s attention, and
then opened the book to the first marked section while he began to eat.
The
first thing Severus noticed was that Naut-see was
spelt Nazi and was an abbreviation for some Muggle political party. The second
thing Severus took note of, while reading down the first page, was the ideology
of racial purity and superiority of what this Hitler and his Nazis called ‘the
master race.’ Severus felt a tremor of uneasiness wash through him. He couldn’t
argue with that comparison to Voldemort, as it was
well known that The Dark Lord and his most ardent followers valued blood purity
and felt that pureblood wizards should rule over Muggles and wizards of lesser
blood. Not that pure-bloods didn’t rule already, as
far as Severus could tell.
Severus
turned to the next marked section, while he shoveled in another mouthful of
food. Now he found he was reading about prejudicial laws enacted against Jews,
such as banning them from holding certain jobs. Severus found himself thinking
again about what was going on in the present. There were plenty of policies
that favored pure-bloods but no laws that banned Muggle-borns
from holding any particular job… Although, he’d heard some Voldemort
supporters say that there should be, now that he thought of it. Severus began
to get that queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, again.
With
growing trepidation, Severus turned to the next marked section. Severus read
down the page and sat down his fork. Now, Jews were being stripped of all civil
liberties, forced to register with the government, forced to wear special
badges or armbands, and forcibly moved into ghettos. What the fuck is wrong
with these Muggles?! Severus thought. This is stupid! Wizards wouldn’t
pull crazy shit like this! …Would they? Severus thought of all the talking Regulus Black had been doing, which wasn’t far off from
what Severus was seeing in the book. Mulciber and
Avery seemed to find the things Regulus said to be highly
amusing. Severus had assumed it was all for a laugh. Or at least that’s what he
had been telling himself, anyway.
“Snape!”
Severus
jerked up in his seat, startled, and turned to face the gruff voice that had
just called his name. It was Mulciber, with Avery
flanking him. They both looked rather put out. Mulciber
planted a hand on the table and leaned down, prompting the First Year that had
been sitting next to Severus to scoot farther away.
Severus
slammed his book shut and narrowed his eyes. His lips thinned as he tried to
think of what to say.
“What
the bloody hell is wrong with you, Snape?!” Avery
asked, peering from behind Mulciber’s large shoulder.
Mulciber
lowered his voice and added, “It’s one thing if you
fancy that little…Muggle-born friend of yours… But it’s another to ride
to her rescue and pick up after her like some bloody house-elf. Everyone will
think you’re a Mudblood lover, or something.”
“It
was a public spectacle that reflects badly on our House,” Avery chimed in. “We
know you don’t like your pet Muggle-born to be called Mudblood,
but we had to do something to save your reputation.”
Severus’s
eyes widened and his face turned red. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t said similar
things before, but now it was different. It felt like he was standing outside
of himself and hearing it for the first time. A furious feeling boiled up
inside of him and before he could think better of it, Severus hissed, “FUCK
OFF!” Then, he grabbed his belongings and the book and left Mulciber and Avery standing there slack jawed, as he rushed
out of the Great Hall without looking back.
“He’s
gone mad,” Mulciber said.
“Well,
he was always a little off,” Avery replied.
Maybe
it’s because he’s half Muggle, Mulciber thought, crossing his arms and frowning. Mulciber made a sound of disgust before he went back with
Avery to the other end of the table to continue his meal.
3
Lily
spotted Mary MacDonald and her other friends (Jane Cooper, Margaret Jenkins,
and Betty Robins) in the middle of the Gryffindor table, and made her way over
to sit next to them. James and his group were nowhere to be seen, which suited
Lily just fine…although she hoped they weren’t lying somewhere seriously
injured.
“Lily!
What happened?” Mary asked, as Lily sat down. Mary had pale skin and wavy, long
black hair that fell past her shoulders and was, at the moment, threatening to
fall onto into her plate.
“Where
did that awful Slytherin boy take you?” asked the
blonde haired Betty (who had been the most vocal in her distaste for Severus,
over the years).
“Are
you all right?” asked Margaret, who had brown skin and straightened, black hair
that she tended to wear in a high ponytail. “Oh, and I’ve got your bag for
you,” she added, handing Lily her school bag.
“Thanks,
Mags… And I’m fine,” Lily said, in a soft tone.
“Severus and I just went somewhere private to talk, that’s all.”
“Where?”
Betty asked.
“Uh,
well…” Lily started to answer when she was cut across by Jane, who had long
dark brown hair that she kept in a bun and tan skin.
“I
can’t believe what those awful Slytherin boys said!
What kind of excuse did your friend Snape have for
all of that?”
Lily
took a sip from her cup and said, “Actually, he finally saw the light and isn’t
going to hang round them, anymore.”
“Oh
really??” chorused all four friends, in disbelief.
“Yes,
really,” Lily replied, after finishing a mouthful of food. “Severus has finally
seen them for the bad influences that they are and isn’t going to hang round
them, anymore.”
Mary
frowned and said, “Something’s wrong with him that he didn’t see that to be
going on with.”
“If
it’s even true,” Betty added. “Who’s to say he’s really turning over any kind
of new leaf? You know, he fancies you. I’ve seen him leering. He could just be
hoping to get somewhere with you.”
“He
doesn’t leer!” Lily said, blushing. While it was true that she’d noticed
Severus staring at her, sometimes, she wouldn’t call it leering.
“He
totally leers at you,” added Jane.
“Snape does seem to fancy you, I think,” Margaret said,
twisting a bit of hair from her pony tail around her finger.
“I
know he fancies me,” Lily said, lowering her voice. “He loves me. And I love
him.” The four friends stared at her for a moment.
“We’d
better get you to Madam Pomfrey for a cure,” Jane
said, grabbing hold of Lily’s arm. “Clearly you’re under the influence of a
love potion.”
“I
most certainly am not!” Lily exclaimed, yanking her arm away.
“Maybe
she means ‘love like a friend’?” Margaret suggested.
“No,
I mean love-love,” Lily replied.
“You
can’t be serious!” exclaimed Betty. “It’s unbelievable that you even talk to
him. He’s slimy and creepy and up to his eyes in the Dark Arts…and he’s been
hanging round with blood purists!”
“You’ve
clearly been dosed with a love potion,” Jane added.
Lily
scowled.
“Why
would you want Snape when you could have a cute and
non-creepy bloke like James Potter?” Mary asked, drawing Lily’s attention. “I
know you think he’s too arrogant, but he’s much better than Snape.
At the very least he’s against Dark Magic and You-Know-Who. And he’s good
hearted and brave. After all, he saved Snape from
whatever was down the tunnel by the Whomping Willow,
and he hates Snape! And we all know how much Potter
fancies you.”
“I
don’t care if Potter fancies me or not. I don’t like him,” Lily replied
hotly. “And Severus is not slimy and he does not support You-Know-Who
and he’s only into studying Dark Magic. It’s just study! And he’s not
going to be hanging round with those blood purists, anymore, like I said.”
“Are
you so sure he’s not been practicing Dark Magic with his little Death Eater
friends,” Mary asked. “Remember what Mulciber tried
to do to me?”
“I
remember,” Lily said, frowning.
Mulciber
had attempted to curse Mary’s hair into becoming a nest of snakes that were
intent upon attacking the face of the curse victim. He’d only managed one, but
it had attacked Mary’s face, and she was only saved from being bitten by
quickly burying her face in the book she’d been carrying and running all the
way to the Hospital Wing, as quickly as she could.
“That
snake could have taken out Mary’s eye, or something!” Betty exclaimed.
Mary
shuddered. She hated snakes to begin with, and now she hated them even more.
“It was awful. Awful,” she said, shuddering.
“I’m
sorry. I know,” Lily said, giving Mary a sympathetic look. “That Mulciber is just evil… But Severus had nothing to do with
that.”
That
was nothing…It was a laugh, that’s all…
Severus’s
words echoed in Lily’s memory and made her worry. He- he didn’t really mean
that…and he wouldn’t actually use Dark Magic, would he? Lily grabbed
an apple and bit into it heartily, trying not to show her worry. Her friends
had gone silent, but they were all looking at her with concern and doubt.
Suddenly,
Jane pointed to the Slytherin table and said, “Look,
there they are! Talking to Snape.”
Lily
looked over and saw Mulciber and Avery standing over
Severus at the end of the Slytherin table. “He’ll
tell them to shove off. You’ll see,” Lily said, trying not to let the worry
show in her voice. She watched Severus turn red, hiss something at them, and
leave. “Ah,” Lily sighed, as relief washed over her. “See! See! He’s rejecting
them!”
“You
look relieved,” Mary commented, giving Lily a pointed look.
“W-well…”
Lily started to stammer, before she was mercifully interrupted by Margaret.
“I
think this proves she’s not under the thrall of a love potion, after all.
Because if she was, then she wouldn’t have doubted him for a second,” said
Margaret.
“Uh,
thanks Mags…I guess,” Lily said, sighing.
“So
she just has really poor judgment, then,” said Betty. “Don’t say we didn’t warn
you if things go wrong... And you could do better, you know.”
Lily
gave Betty a sour look.
“Betty’s
just worried about you, Lily,” Mary said, resting her chin on her fist and
moving food around on her plate absentmindedly. “That Snape…he’s
sketchy.”
“He
gives me the creeps!” exclaimed Jane.
“You
don’t know him like I do!” Lily snapped.
“DADA!”
Margaret blurted out, interrupting them. “I hear there’s a boggart
for the DADA practical, tonight!” Margaret hated seeing conflict between her
friends and had blurted out the first thing she could think of to change the
topic.
“Oh, no!”
Mary exclaimed. “It’s going to be a giant snake, I just know it!”
Lily
gave Margaret a wry smile before turning her attention to Mary. “Just make it
into a stuffed snake,” Lily suggested.
Mary
continued to look unsure.
“With googly-eyes!” Lily added, rolling her eyes around.
Mary
laughed a little.
“See.”
Lily winked.
“Do
you think yours will be a Dementor again, like in 4th
year?” Mary asked.
“Probably,”
Lily replied. “If it is, I’ll just make it do a silly dance, again.”
The
girls laughed and continued to talk about boggarts for
a little while longer, until Lily finished eating and excused herself to go
meet Severus in the library. Nobody said anything as Lily wrapped a croissant
in a napkin for Severus (since he left without finishing his meal), but she
could feel them looking at her. “I’ll see you all later tonight,” Lily said,
grabbing her things. “Good luck, everyone!”
“Good
luck,” they chorused softly, as she left.
4
Severus
made his way back to the library, seething. He felt like his body was on fire
and at the same time he felt like something had his guts in an icy grip.
Severus could feel sweat dripping from his brow as he stormed into the library.
He walked all the way to the back and sat in a corner next to the Restricted
Section. He opened the book angrily. A part of Severus wanted to turn the book
in to Madam Pince and never look at it again, but now
that he had seen this much, he had to know the rest.
Severus
opened the book to the next marked section, and then the next, his blood
running colder with each turn of the page. The book told of a Final Solution. A
genocidal plan where Jews, and anyone else that Hitler and his Nazi’s deemed
undesirable, were put into gas chambers to be killed en mass or into
concentration camps to be starved and worked to death. There were pictures of
emaciated camp inmates that were like walking skeletons. Severus could hardly
believe they were alive.
On
the following pages, there were pictures of emaciated bodies strewn about
fields, laid out in mass graves, and piled up like cords of wood on train cars.
There was even a picture just like the scene Lily had described to him
earlier…A Muggle machine called a bulldozer was pushing great mounds of
emaciated dead bodies into a mass grave. Severus clamped his hand over his
mouth and went white as a sheet. Severus had seen gore and mutilation and death
in plenty of books from the Restricted Section, but nothing on this scale.
Wizards
have never done anything like this! This can’t happen with wizards! Severus thought, his mind
railing.
And
then, a small traitorous part of his mind spoke up. Idiot…Do you really
think the greatest Dark Wizard ever to have lived would be beaten by a Muggle?
If The Dark Lord wants to purify the wizard race, would he not think of this
solution? Would he not implement it, if he did?
Severus
let out a small strangled noise and grabbed his things. He flew from his seat
to library door, praying that he wouldn’t vomit before he got to the toilet.
5
Lily
walked down the hall to the library, feeling somewhat anxious. She hoped that
the book was convincing Severus of just how much the Death Eaters were like
Nazis and how terrible and dangerous a group like that could be. She hoped that
Severus wouldn’t just want to stop hanging round with Death Eater wannabes, but
that he would want to join the Order of the
When Lily
got to the door of the library, she was nearly knocked over. Severus had run
right into her, looking pale as a sheet, and had almost fallen backwards
himself. He had a haunted look in his eyes and his skin was glossy with sweat.
“Sev?” was all Lily got out before he ran past her. “Sev!” she yelled after him and gave chase.
Severus
ran down the hall, knocking over anyone who got in his way. He took a turn and
ran down the stairs, all the way down to the second floor. Severus ran straight
for the second floor girl’s lavatory. Since it was haunted by Myrtle, Severus
figured he wouldn’t have to worry about other students and could puke in
relative peace.
Severus
ran into the lavatory and rushed to a sink to splash cold water in his face. He
hoped that if he could cool down, then maybe he could avoid puking. When
Severus had made his way to a sink in the back, he dropped his things
unceremoniously. Then he turned on the tap, but no water came out. “Fuck!” he
cursed, and kicked the book on WWII to the side as he moved over to the next sink. This time, cool water came out of the tap and he
splashed his face vigorously.
“Severus,
are you in here?” Lily called, as she stepped into the lavatory, panting.
Don’t
puke! Don’t puke! Don’t puke!
Severus silently chanted to himself.
“Sev?” Lily called again, coming around the corner to find
Severus bent over a sink and breathing hard. “What’s wrong?” she asked, setting
down her bag. Lily knew that some of the pictures in the book were gruesome,
but she also knew that Severus had devoured most of the books in the Restricted
Section and did not have a weak stomach.
Severus
stayed silent. He didn’t dare open his mouth to answer. He didn’t know what
would come out of it.
“Come
on now, Sev,” Lily said, soothingly, putting a hand
on his back and rubbing it.
Don’t
be nice to me! he
thought, shaking. Don’t!!
“What’s
wrong?” Lily asked again.
Severus
opened his mouth, and words came out instead of vomit. “I was going to join! I
was going to join up with them!” He felt Lily’s hand leave his back.
“Oh, Sev,” Lily said mournfully. She felt a cold,
prickly feeling creep over her flesh. Her friends had been right. She hadn’t
wanted to think it was possible. What else are they right about? Lily
wondered, as hot tears began to roll down her cheeks.
Severus
stooped down, bending his head under the sink and holding onto the rim with his
hands. His dark hair obscured his face.
Lily
screwed up her courage and asked, “Do you perform Dark Magic, too?!”
Severus
wanted to answer ‘no’ but a strangled ‘yes’ came out, instead. Severus heard a
sharp intake of breath coming from Lily and he tensed.
Lily
struggled to maintain her composure and furiously wiped the tears from her
cheeks. “What have you done?! What Dark Magic have you done?!” she asked,
keeping her voice low so it wouldn’t echo out into the hall.
Severus
let go of the sink and sank to the floor. He raked his forearm across his face,
sniffed wetly, and then opened up his bag and rummaged around. Severus brought
out his copy of Advanced Potion-Making and flipped through it. Then he
handed the book to Lily, with his head bent low, refusing to look at her.
Written
in a margin, in Severus’s cramped handwriting, was an
incantation (‘Sectumsempra!’) written above
the words “For Enemies.” Lily’s eyes widened. “You didn’t!” she hissed. “You
invented a Dark Spell?!”
Severus
shook his head ‘yes’.
Lily
breathed in raggedly, struggling to keep from breaking down. “L-Look at me!”
she cried hoarsly.
Severus
flinched and looked up at her. His face was pale and his eyes were red and
bleary.
“D-
Dare I ask what it does?” Lily asked, a tear escaping down her cheek.
“It-
It cuts,” Severus replied in barely more than a whisper.
Lily
thought back to the lake and to the spell that cut James Potter’s face. “Is
that the spell you used on Potter, today?!”
“Y-
Yes,” Severus replied.
“Oh, Sev!” Lily cried, dropping the book and burying her face
in her hands.
“It’ll
heal!” Severus cried. “I even have a counter-curse! A healing
spell that’ll heal the damage, straight away!”
Lily
took a deep breath and wiped her eyes. “I’m glad you at least came up with a
counter-curse, but… How could you do something so stupid?! So
dangerous?!” Lily asked, sniffing harshly as
her nose began to run. “If it’s Dark you could probably kill somebody! The
world doesn’t have enough Dark Magic that you have to create more?!
Don’t you know how damaging that is to your soul?! Why?! Why
did you do it?!”
“I’m tired
of those fucking sods ragging on me!” Severus spat. Tears and snot were running
down his face.
“That’s
no excuse!” Lily replied. “If you kill one of them, is that what you’re going
to tell the Wizengamot?!”
“I-
I’m not going to kill anyone! That’s why I have the counter-curse!”
“Well,
what did you think you were going to be doing as a Death Eater?! Serving tea?!”
Lily asked.
“I
don’t know! I don’t know!” Severus cried, plunging his fingers into his hair
grabbing fistfuls of it. “I wasn’t thinking! I just wanted to get ahead! You’re
right! You’re right about them! I just didn’t want to see it! I’m sorry! I’m
sorry, Lily!”
A
loud moaning and wailing filled the air and Severus looked up. Severus breathed
a shuddering sigh of relief when he saw Myrtle flying around the lavatory and
wailing like a banshee, as she was wont to do. Lily’s face was tear-stained and
she was obviously upset, but she wasn’t so upset that she was reduced to wails
and moans.
Lily
looked up at Myrtle for a moment and sniffled, and then turned her attention
back to Severus. When Lily spoke, her voice was thick and wet. “I don’t want
you to be sorry. I want you to promise me that you will never pull shit
like that again. No more Dark Magic, no more paying lip service to blood purist
tripe, and the next time you think of joining any kind of group…If I tell you
the group is evil, then listen to me and don’t even think of joining up! Because your judgment has been shit!”
Severus
nodded his head. “I feel sick,” he added.
“Promise
me!” cried Lily.
“I- I
promise… But-”
Lily
narrowed her eyes and gave him a look that could kill.
Severus
swallowed. “But- But what about Defense Against the
Dark Arts? I have to study Dark Magic for that…”
Lily
sighed raggedly. “Study is one thing. Inventing Dark Spells and flinging them
around is another. The former is fine. The latter will break my heart.”
“I
don’t want to break your heart,” Severus said, wiping the snot and tears off
his face with his sleeve.
“Good,
keep that in mind,” Lily said, mopping her eyes with a tissue.
Severus
looked at her. “Have I- Have I ruined everything?” he asked wetly.
Lily
sighed. “Well…you almost ruined your life. My God, Sev! It scares me to think what would have happened to you
if you kept on going the way you were going.”
“I
mean…everything between us,” Severus replied in a strangled voice.
“You’re
going to keep your promise, aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
Severus looked up at her desperately.
Lily
looked down at him, her face dry but puffy. “Well, then...we’re all right.
Everything will be all right.” She said it softly, almost like she was trying
to convince herself.
Severus
stood slowly and opened his mouth to speak, but wound up just staring at her
with an unsure expression.
Lily
looked at him for a moment, and a longing feeling washed over her. “There is
something I want you to do for me, Sev…”
“Name
it,” Severus replied hoarsely.
“Hold
me tight and say you’re my Sev…” Lily answered,
sounding faint and tired.
Severus
thought it was an odd request. He was sweaty and dirty and felt disgusting
inside and out. But if that’s what she wanted… “Okay,” he replied, and moved
forward to embrace her.
Severus
wrapped his arms around Lily and held her close. “Tighter,” she said.
Severus
held Lily tighter. She inhaled and thought he still smelt good, even though he
was obviously quite sweaty. “Say it,” she said.
“I’m
your Sev,” he said, softly, his voice barely above a
whisper.
“Always?”
she asked.
“Always,”
replied Severus.
Lily
gave him a light squeeze. “Now give us a snog.”
“What?”
Severus asked, pulling back and looking at her incredulously.
“Give
us a snog,” Lily said, tapping a finger to her lips.
“Now? And in the girl’s lavatory with Myrtle flying around and wailing like a
banshee?” Severus asked, looking very perplexed and somewhat scandalized.
“Yes.
After you have a row with your lover and you’ve made-up, you have a snog. So…” Lily tapped her lips with her finger again.
“Where
are you getting your information,” Severus asked, arching an eyebrow slightly.
“It’s
what Mum and Dad do when they make-up after a row,” Lily replied.
“You’re
Dad sticks his tongue down your Mum’s throat in front of you?!” Severus
exclaimed.
“No, not that kind of snog!” Lily exclaimed, with a weak chuckle. “You don’t have
to use your tongue to snog, you silly arse! We snogged in the tree
house earlier and didn’t use our tongues.”
“I
thought for it to be a proper snog, you had to use
your tongue?”
“No,
no, passionate kissing of any kind counts.”
“Well,
that makes it a slightly less shocking request, then,” Severus replied,
still looking a bit incredulous.
“Here,
let me show you,” Lily said, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Before Severus
could say another word, Lily kissed him soundly and cuddled him.
Severus
was still feeling too horrified to be turned-on at all, but he couldn’t help
but feel comforted. He closed his eyes as he felt himself melt into Lily’s
embrace.
After
Lily felt Severus relax, she snogged him a moment
longer and then pulled back, finishing off the kiss with a loud smacking sound.
“See? Now you try,” said Lily. And then she put her hands on his waist, closed
her eyes and tilted her head up.
Severus
could feel his lips curling up in a smile, in spite of himself. “I love you
Lily,” he said, as wrapped his arms around her and kissed her as soundly as she
had done to him. Severus cuddled and rocked Lily side to side while he
continued to kiss her. He finally released her with a louder-than-intended
smacking sound.
“Ah,
perfect,” said Lily, looking up at him with a tired but warm smile. “I love
you, too, Sev.”
Severus
smiled sheepishly.
Just
then a loud bell chimed. Lily gasped. “We’d better head to the Great Hall. It’s
time for our Defense Against the Dark Arts practical.”
Severus
nodded his head. He and Lily collected their things and then walked out
hand-in-hand.
After
they left, Myrtle stilled and stopped wailing for a moment. “They could have at
least said ‘goodbye’ to me,” she sniffed, pouting. Then she resumed her wailing
and took out her frustrations by flooding the lavatory.
~To Be
Continued
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Fic
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